Swee'Pea ~ Mama's Lil Man

by Kelley

I've been without my SweePea for 5 days now. For eleven years, he's been my best friend. He's been Mama's Lil Man. I have two other cats: Skootch, who is 10 & Sister, 2. SweePea wasnt a cat; he was a little person with fur. He was smart. You could see the intelligence and understanding in his eyes. He always knew when I didnt feel well, whether physically or emotionally, and he was right by my side, trying to make things better.
After battling for two years what was originally diagnosed as chronic pancreatitis, then found to be IBD, SweePea seemed to be winning the fight for the past few months. He seemed to be his old self. Until last Thursday. For the first time in many years, my Lil Man didnt meet me at the door when I got home from work. He was staying in the closet. He did come out & eat a little, but retreated back under the bed.
When I got home from work Friday, again, no SweePea at the door. He was back in the closet. I managed to get him out & gave him a bath, as he didnt smell right. Hes always enjoyed the blow dryer when I used ita little for me, a little for him. It seemed to soothe him a bit. He wouldnt eat. When he was good & dry, he went back under the bed.
Saturday morning, he was more lethargic. I could tell when I would pet him that he was in pain. We went right to the vet. She was very compassionate. They took blood &, for the first time, I couldnt be the one holding him when they did?I had to leave the room.
Blood test results after 20 minutes. From bad to worse. His liver has failed. No hope. She said treatment would be lengthy, painful &, ultimately, useless. His quality of life would go from miserable to unbearable. I couldnt do that to him. Making the decision was hard. Going thru with it was devastating.
His veins were too small. She tried to give him the injection in his kidney, but couldnt tap it, either. I held onto him the entire time, looking into his eyes, telling him how much I loved him & how brave he was being. She finally had to give him a strong sedative to keep him calm him down so that she could give the final injection into his little heart. Mine just about stopped with his. There was relief in his eyes. I saw it.
I held him in my arms, with his little head on my shoulder, whispering to him that I loved him & that he would always be with me & me with him. Now hes gone & Im left here .
I went back to the vet on Monday to make arrangements for cremation. His little body was still there. I asked to see him. He is at peace & without pain or discomfort. At that moment, I also felt the relief, like maybe I was going to feel better. But that passed.
Now, Im angry. Lonely. Part of me is gone. I dont want to talk to anyone. I dont want to be around anyone. I just want my SweePea.

Comments for Swee'Pea ~ Mama's Lil Man

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Mar 25, 2012
I had to let go of my Lil Man
by: Kelley

Next week will be 5 months since I released Swee'Pea from his pain and misery. My misery carried on until about 2 weeks ago. When I lost him, I started a journal. Whenever my pain, anger, sorrow, anguish or depression seemed to be at its worst, I would take that notebook out of the drawer in front of me and write until I couldn't write.
I didn't realize at the time, but I was writing to Swee'Pea. All the guilt I felt. All the anger. Everything. I just couldn't let go, and I started to get physically ill myself.
Finally, after talking to friends who have been thru what I'm going thru, I sat down and wrote Swee'Pea a letter. I told him I had to let him go. I forgave myself. I know now that there was nothing more that I could have done for him, except love him and let him go. To try to keep him with me would have been selfish. In the letter, the last entry in the journal, I said that I would see him at the Bridge, and that I hoped that my years would only seem like days or minutes to him. I believe we will be together again~I know we will.
Finally, my heart is at peace. I know that Swee'Pea is at peace. It's been a very hard 5 months. Swee'Pea helped me make it thru the pain. I no longer punish myself for something I could not control. I love you, Lil Man. And I still think about you and miss you every day.
I hope this helps someone else. I needed 'closure', and this is how I found it...

Nov 13, 2011
He was/is my child...with fur.
by: Kelley

Thanks so much for your caring words, 'SoSadDad' ~ I appreciate your taking time to share.
It's been 2 weeks now, and my pain is still as fresh as it was then. I manage to get thru the days and nights, but there are moments when I think I see him walking around the corner, and when I realize that he's really gone, I break.
What people fail to understand is that my Swee'Pea was like my child for 11 years. Can you imagine having a human child for 11 years, then suddenly, that child is gone from your life forever....my pain is no less than that of a parent!
Everyone asks, "are you going to get another cat?". Would you just run out and have another baby to replace the lost child? Would that make you forget the lost child? Would it make your pain any less? I don't think so.
People should take time to read the page on Pet Loss, where it states: "The love you received from him was different than the complicated love relationships you might have with humans. Your pet likely adored you! He was always there for you, never criticized you, never held grudges, and always forgave you, no matter what. Are there any humans in your life that have ever given to you this selflessly?"

Nov 07, 2011
I understand
by: SoSadDad

Kelly, I've lost both of my daughters in the last two years. I cannot imagine anything else that could happen worse than that. Some of my fellow bereaved parents are insulted if someone says "I know how you feel, I lost my dog (or cat) recently." And the truth is, there is no comparison. However, I have lost several pets over my 61 years. Perhaps the worst was my happy little dog Harriet. She had a stomach cancer that could no longer be operated on. I remember crying like a baby when I held her as the shots were administered. It hurts when you lose something you love. We have a Lhasa, Zoie, and she is 9+ years old. She has been so much comfort over the last two years. I just know that we are going to miss her and grieve her terribly when she goes. I pray that you never lose a child, and certainly not both children. It is beyond words to explain the grief. But I cannot trivialize your loss, because I know how much it hurts to lose a dearly loved pet, and I'm so very sorry for you.

Nov 04, 2011
Note to Swee'Pea
by: Joy


Your Momma is going to be ok. We talked about you today, and will continue to talk about you anytime Momma brings you to the conversation. Her heartache will never ease, but she will learn how to move about her day. I promise her heart will sing and her feet will dance again.

RIP Mama's Lil Man.


Nov 04, 2011
Doing the right but hard thing
by: Judith in California

Kelley, please don't be angry...you did the right thing but the hard selfless thing. God wanted him and he worked through you to bring him home again. He loans us his little creatures to care for and love and to bring us comfort and then He takes them back .

I have four Kitties and love each one and dread the days each will be taken from me. My husband was taken a year ago and that is devastating beyond belief. Just love the other two until.

Take car and God bless you.

Nov 04, 2011
Beautiful Sweet Pea
by: geoffrey campbell

Whew, did your letter ever bring me to tears! Very beautifully written, I never met Sweet Pea, yet the love the both of you had could be felt clearly by this reader, and my heart was smitten. I can't help but think you must be a beautiful soul your self, because God doesn't just give a cat like Sweat Pea to just any person, and I believe that God will raise precious loving Sweet Pea for you to hold and talk to on the new earth, promised to us in Isaiah 66:24 & 25. Thank you for sharing with us and revealing to us how that Sweet Pea was,(and always will be) much more than a cat, but a person. Your letter is one of my favorites, I loved the photo too of Sweet Pea. I will be praying for you, because I know from my own personal experience that you are going to need prayer and encouragement. From a fellow friend and cat lover in Scranton Pennsylvania, USA
PS If you want to tell me anything else about Sweet Pea, as a cat lover, I would love to hear it, geoffrey 2300@hotmail.com

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