Swee'Pea ~ Mama's Lil Man

by Kelley
(Alabama)

I've been without my SweePea for 5 days now. For eleven years, he's been my best friend. He's been Mama's Lil Man. I have two other cats: Skootch, who is 10 & Sister, 2. SweePea wasnt a cat; he was a little person with fur. He was smart. You could see the intelligence and understanding in his eyes. He always knew when I didnt feel well, whether physically or emotionally, and he was right by my side, trying to make things better.
After battling for two years what was originally diagnosed as chronic pancreatitis, then found to be IBD, SweePea seemed to be winning the fight for the past few months. He seemed to be his old self. Until last Thursday. For the first time in many years, my Lil Man didnt meet me at the door when I got home from work. He was staying in the closet. He did come out & eat a little, but retreated back under the bed.
When I got home from work Friday, again, no SweePea at the door. He was back in the closet. I managed to get him out & gave him a bath, as he didnt smell right. Hes always enjoyed the blow dryer when I used ita little for me, a little for him. It seemed to soothe him a bit. He wouldnt eat. When he was good & dry, he went back under the bed.
Saturday morning, he was more lethargic. I could tell when I would pet him that he was in pain. We went right to the vet. She was very compassionate. They took blood &, for the first time, I couldnt be the one holding him when they did?I had to leave the room.
Blood test results after 20 minutes. From bad to worse. His liver has failed. No hope. She said treatment would be lengthy, painful &, ultimately, useless. His quality of life would go from miserable to unbearable. I couldnt do that to him. Making the decision was hard. Going thru with it was devastating.
His veins were too small. She tried to give him the injection in his kidney, but couldnt tap it, either. I held onto him the entire time, looking into his eyes, telling him how much I loved him & how brave he was being. She finally had to give him a strong sedative to keep him calm him down so that she could give the final injection into his little heart. Mine just about stopped with his. There was relief in his eyes. I saw it.
I held him in my arms, with his little head on my shoulder, whispering to him that I loved him & that he would always be with me & me with him. Now hes gone & Im left here .
I went back to the vet on Monday to make arrangements for cremation. His little body was still there. I asked to see him. He is at peace & without pain or discomfort. At that moment, I also felt the relief, like maybe I was going to feel better. But that passed.
Now, Im angry. Lonely. Part of me is gone. I dont want to talk to anyone. I dont want to be around anyone. I just want my SweePea.