Sweet John's mom again - 7 weeks

by Colleen
(Utah)

I have posted twice before since my first born son John died seven weeks ago. I have three other sons, a husband and grandchildren. Two days ago I gave away our puppy (we had her 3 months) because I just don't have the energy to play with her. I love her, but she deserves a happier home.
I went to work a week after he died, two jobs , to keep busy and pay for his funeral.
But yesterday, I was off, and my heart so much, I thought It was going to crack and I couldn't stop crying.I didn't know we could hurt this bad.
No one calls or really wants to talk about it anymore.So my question are does your heart ever stop hurting? When a day come where I don't think about it everyday? Is life really worth living? Will I ever sleep again? Please let me how you coped with losing your child. I need help doing this.

Comments for Sweet John's mom again - 7 weeks

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Jun 21, 2011
it's hard being a mom
by: Shirley

My son Dimitri left this world 10 months ago on August 9th, 2010. He suffered for two long years and for all the suffering and pain he went through he STILL DIED! He fought so hard and I was at his side the entire time. He was only 23 years old. It should have been me. I did almost everything I had set my heart out to do in my lifetime. He never got the chance to do anything. He had a girlfriend and was going to get married. He was going to college. He had tested for the LAPD. He wanted to go to Greece and visit his grandparents place of birth. He wanted to become fluent in Greek. He just wanted to live his life and it was taken away from him. And I will NEVER understand why. Never!

Jun 21, 2011
living again
by: Tin

I lost my sweet boy 7 years ago this week. He was 19, a hiking accident. I am on this site because I am asking the same questions as you are. I miss him so. I have a couple of good friends that will let me talk a bit about it. They don't understand but they do provide loving support. It is very hard to open up to someone who has not been in our situation. It is soul wrenching to want your child and not be able to have him or her.
I work and take care of our home and do all of the things that I ever did. Because your body can and needs to go on. But, the only time I get real relief is time spent with my granddaughter. She was born after his death.

It is every day get up, do something...start living again. Your child does not want his legacy to be one of tears. It takes a long time. The more normal you appear, the sooner that will be a habit for you.

We are living a nightmare.

Jun 21, 2011
love never leaves
by: kay

Colleen
It is certainly a hard road that we travel. I too lost my only son 23 last year it has been 13 months and I still cry alot. It is by far the worse pain anyone could feel. My heart just aches and aches for my son as yours would for John. I look at his photos and cry and still ask... why? Somedays It is too hard to even look. Thats 13 months down the track. I dont know how we get up every day and go on with our lives....but we do....for me its because of my daughter and grandchildren.I would not want them to suffer any further.I send you all my love and a message of healing....even just enough to keep you on track...You are special your sons love will never leave you......It is something no one can take from us ...xxxxxxx

Jun 20, 2011
Chris mom
by: brenda

My son dieing 2yrs ago it is still hard to look at pic i only have 2 pic up,I found this site I guess a month maybe it gave me some insight on something but the pain it is has strong today has it was march 26,2009 I get so mad because he left me,his mom and his friend.People say I know if you have not buried a child then you have not walked in my shoes.My brother died when I was 16 i am now 54 and the pain my mom still feels after all these yrs,it dont go away.I will be driving down the road and see a guy on a motorcycle and here we go.Does it go away no.I still have not looked at the cards that were give to me when I died my daughter gets them,I found out 6 months later that Chris ad put 2 shirts in layaway and this lady at tractor supplies found them and sent them to me never have opened them.This is his laptop I am on.I do have have his truck and when I am feeling really sad i go out and touch the steering wheels, feel the seats,I just set there and talk to him.All the people was there for that week were are they now?Does it stop no.My is listed under momma loves you son Chris his picture are there to.One thing put a picture of your baby on here the bond of the people on this site is alsume.

Jun 19, 2011
Trying to find a way to live without him
by: Ric's Mom

I lost my only son, Ric, 3+ years ago at the age of 22. He committed suicide in our home and I found him too late to save him.
I'm no longer married and have chronic back pain, rom a car accident involving a drunk driver, and am now unable to work in my career field. I would feel terribly alone in this world, but my sweet son had a beautiful heart and many friends that he gifted to me. I don't think I'd be here today without them.
I still cry every day, sometimes all day, I hurt inside so deeply that it feels like my soul is empty. I pray for God to help me find the path he wants me to follow, but he's not talking, or I'm not hearing him. After 3 years I am lost, sad, guilty and confused.
Losing a child is something I never thought would happen to me. How do people survive it? How do I survive it? I'm still waking up and trying to get out of bed- that's my goal in life right now...its not enough.

Jun 19, 2011
A Mother's Love
by: TrishJ

Your heart is going to hurt for the rest of your life. This pain is the price we pay for love. It's hard to know it in the beginning but we have to be thankful for the time we had them. You will eventually get to a place where the pain is less but it never fully goes away.
A mother's pain is probably the worst. I thought it was painful when I lost my brother and best friend. It was worse when I lost my father. Nothing in this life ever prepared me for the loss of my husband 6 months ago. That literally brought me to my knees. I can't even rationalize thinking (nor do I want to) of the pain of losing one of my children.
Treasure each day with the rest of your family. We never know what life is going to hand us. Take the time to cry and scream and grieve for your son. He is and always will be part of your heart and soul. He has been torn away from you. Yes.....it hurts. We find a place where we are better able to cope with our pain but it never leaves us.
God Bless. Try to find some good in today ;)
PJ

Jun 19, 2011
Sweet John's Mom
by: Anonymous

Its been 5 months for me since I lost me son. The ache inside is always always there. I think of him everday - i do have some good days but they are usually after a couple of terrible days. The grief can be overwhelming. Keeping busy is the only thing working for me. When I am alone its worse. I dont think time heals this wound. No one in my family seems to want to talk about him - so feel I am alone too. Maybe they are just keeping the grief inside. I dont know. I have another son and grandchildren and husband. I keep going on for them and you must to. Pray everyday and think of your son with love. Although it does not necessarily get easier - I am learning to live with this feeling, I have no choice.

Jun 18, 2011
mom to mom
by: connie

Hi, my youngest son, Adam, died three months ago. I am learning that there is no road map to follow. I have three other children, a son and two daughters, two precious grandsons, and a pretty good guy that I have been married to for 29 years. None of this fills the hole in my heart. I returned to work after 5 weeks, and in retrospect, should have stayed out longer, but as you say, there are unexpected bills to pay. I have a hard time expressing my grief to my family.
I do not want to cause anyone more pain. I guess that seems silly given the pain that we are all in anyway. One thing that has been helping me since my return to work is all the other people who have shared the death of their child with me. We are now part of a large club that no one ever wanted to join. I will keep you in my prayers.

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