sweet John's mom

by Colleen

I posted my first page last week. It has been 39 days since my son John died. I read all your stories and I realize so many people are suffering. I also so realize this is is a loss that will stay with me until the day I pass on. I have three other sons and a husband, and I never want them to feel like this.So I wrote them all a letter to read after I die. I told them how special each is to me and why, I asked them not to grieve so much that they have needlessly suffer too much.
I know if John had written me a letter, he would tell me the same. But is so unnatural to lose you child, even if they are 40, should have been half is life not the end.
I am lucky in that in the last 18 days, I watched him accept his fate, and accept what was happening, reassuring me he was good with god. But seeing him take his first and last breath is almost more than i can handle. I have increased my hours, I have two jobs , but I am quitting my day job in December.
I am trying to save for a funeral in September, that is the next time one of his brothers (from afganistan) can be here.
I have asked people to share happy stories so we can celebrate his life.
My problem is, I don't want to go to work today, my patience is thin and when I people ask me how I am I say, OK - because it is easier. But I am not Ok and I am exhausted from thinking about him 24 hours 7 days a week. I miss him so and
feel so lost.

Comments for sweet John's mom

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Jun 09, 2011
been there, done that....
by: Anonymous

I lost my son Dimitri ten months ago today. He had leukemia and we never gave up hope that he'd survive right up until the last second. I was reading my diary and saw that one year ago today Dimitri was in the ICU with fluid around his heart and his lungs. I almost lost him so many times in the two years he was ill. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to tell him over and over again how much I loved him. He was barely 23 years old when he went to Heaven. I gave birth to a very special angel. I just wish I could have gone first. Sending hugs to you!

Jun 08, 2011
by: joanette

Bless you from another mom who lost a son less than 30 days ago. I know how awful you feel. I am having days when i wonder why i have to wake up and go on living. I gave birth to 4 children 1 girl 3 boys the last 2 were twins and there was 7 years between the oldest son and the twins.
bill was the oldest he was 32 when he passed in nov of 09' He was struck and killed crossing the street on his bike. the day after mothers day i lost one of my twins to a "freak accident" Losing a child at any age is beyond words. Losing two and watching a greiving twin missing his big brother and his twin is just killing me. feel free to share anything with me. its nice to know we are not alone. god bless

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