Sweet John's Mom

by Colleen

I have posted a couple of times here. It will be six months Sunday since my son John died holding my hand. I still can't believe he is really gone and the pain is still pretty intense. I wished I believed for sure he was in a better place, but I struggle with it. I go to mass on Sunday and pray for some peace and acceptance. But I feel if I accept this, I somehow am letting him down. The same priest who came to our house to give John last rights, is our priest.
But I don't think he remembers me, he is very young and I think I resent the fact he doesn't ask me how I am doing or something.
Life just is not the same. My husband and I went away last weekend, and for the first time I slept from 8 pm to 8 am,
I didn't have nightmares and for the first time didn't wake up crying since John died. I wish we could move, John dying in our home is very hard for me. I still think of him everyday and wish I could just talk to him one more time.
Well, I am rambling . I pray for you all and am so sorry for your own tragedy and tears.

Comments for Sweet John's Mom

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Oct 29, 2011
feeling your pain
by: Anonymous

Colleen....I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet son, John. I really understand your pain and sadness. My precious son, Nabil. passed away 1st November. 2010. at the age of 22. The first year mark is just around the corner and my emotions are in turmoil the last few days.

As mentioned by one of the writers, The Compassionate Friends is a support group for bereaved parents. My husband and I go to their monthly meetings. It is a safe haven where you can express your thoughts and emotions without being judged for we're among friends who understand. We share our experiences and our children,and the group saying 'We need not walk alone' rings true for I feel less isolated and alone with my grief. Apart from the monthly meetings, there is also a telephone list of bereaved parents who one can called whenever you feel overwhelmed and need to talk to an understanding friend. It might be worth to give a try to join a local chapter of TCF.

Take care and be gentle with yourself.


Oct 28, 2011
So sorry :(
by: Angel

I am so sorry for your loss :( A dear friend of mine went through this also 11 years ago. Her son was my kids best friend. Our town lost 2 boys that day. I know the pain I felt at his loss and can not even pretend to know what you and the other writer are going thru. I do know that it does get easier. I am told the pain never leaves as its just not supposed to happen this way but it does begin to heal.
You will remember and smile one day. Laugh at something silly he did etc. Hang onto that! And if you want to talk to him DO IT! I talk to my Mom all the time. I KNOW she hears me and I am sure he will hear you!
I would talk to my priest about my feelings also. If you feel you can not do that and you are not comfortable there anylonger, join a different church. Maybe it would help
My thoughts and prayers are with you..

Oct 28, 2011
beloved sons
by: Anonymous

Colleen....I'm sorry....I know how difficult it is. I'm now almost 15 months into the nightmare of losing my son Dimitri. It still hurts. It's a burning torturing pain that never seems to abate. I manage to get through each day but I have to admit that I look at it more now as one day closer to going to Heaven to be with Dimitri. Its as though all the color and flavor of life has left me and I live in a world of blah. I still think the only thing that keeps me going is The Compassionate Friends meetings I go to each month. Its comforting to be with others who understand the pain I am experiencing. Sending lots of hugs to you Colleen. I would not wish this on my worst enemy...

Oct 28, 2011
Sweet John
by: TrishJ

I had such doubts after my husband passed I was ashamed of myself. Raised to be a good Catholic girl and never question anything ~ I questioned everything. How do I know my husband is safe, happy and in a better place? Is there a heaven?
My good friend told me to read the book "Talking to Heaven" by James Van Praagh. He is a psychic medium so I was very skeptical. He is a devout Catholic and talks about growing up in Catholic school with the strict nuns. This book was so comforting to me. You can get it in paperback for around $9.00 on Amazon.com. It will give you a whole new outlook.
I now am completely satisfied that my husband is in heaven. I can sleep better at night knowing that.
Nothing will bring our loved ones back. Don't get me wrong. This hasn't stopped the grieving process. I still miss him so much I can't stand it most days. I'm still angry feeling that life is so unfair. The book just helped to ease the anxiety of my greatest fear ~ that once a person dies.....that's it. I don't feel that way anymore.
You will always miss your sweet John. He is part of you. Part of you has been torn away.
God bless.

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