Talking about his death makes my nightmares worse.

by Rebecca
(United Kingdom)

My grandfather died on the 12-06-12, everyone says that talking about it will make everything better. The story remains the same each time I talk about it but each night I have nightmares about finding him and everything little detail is played back in my mind. I found my grandfather dead on the kitchen floor, he died suddenly and was covered in blood. I am 18 and it hasn't sunk in. Everyone says it was the shock and that its normal because I was alone when I found him. My nan was shopping and my parents on holiday in Turkey. Since they returned I had to tell them what had happened but since talking with my parents, I have the same dream of finding him, but I have options the main aspects stay the same, but slight choices such as other family members picking up the phone as they were all in work or the paramedics phoning the police, coroner and other families jobs that I couldn't reach. Talking about it doesn't make it easier but the nightmares make it harder for me to sleep each night. My mother says its just because it was so recent but they didn't happen until they came home. I have no idea how to deal with it. I am lucky if I have 3 hours sleep a night.

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Aug 20, 2012
Talking about his death makes my nightmares worse.
by: Doreen U.K.

Rebecca, What a tragedy for you to find your grandfather dead on the floor. You will have been in shock and then denial and then numb. These are the first stages of grief. You had no one to support you so you had to carry this burden for a while on your own. Nightmares show up because you had a shock to your system. It was a traumatic experience. You need to try and find a grief counsellor who is trained to deal with every aspect of grief and will help you. I know you will have to talk. but talking is part of healing from grief. If you don't talk it means you bottle it all up and the nightmares won't stop. You will make yourself more ill. It is not shamefull to need a counsellor. It works very well to get this support when one needs it. You may find that talking about your grandfather's death doesn't help because you may need to process things in sequence first so that the shock evaporates. Talking is what puts perspective on our loss and helps us to heal and move forward better. I hope that you do get the support you need and that the nightmares will eventually get less untill they stop. If they don't stop you will need to get professional help.

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