Tears, photos and memories - all I have left...

by Simona B
(Miami, Florida)

My name is Simona, was born in Romania and moved to the States 6 years ago. I left back home my parents (Mihai and Elena). The three of us made a beautiful family, they loved me and I loved them very much.
There was always a stronger connection though with my father, he was more like a friend to me, we will always joke around.A couple of years ago we found out my mother suffers from Alzheimer and that was the beginning of the end.My father dedicated himself to take care of my mother, his only goal was to make my mother be well.
This year on March 29th I received the news that my father was picked up by an ambulance and taken to the hospital. I thought I was going crazy I was over the phone non stop trying to figure out what's happening. Doctors took good care of him and he had a couple of good days when everything seamed promising.
I was extremely emotional with strong anxiety not being able to be close to him to see him... A very good friend of mine David, booked me a plane ticket (as I was not well at all) for April 6. I left Miami on Friday April 6 and landed in Romania on April 7th a day I will never forget around 2pm.Right there in the airport I found out that my good friend, my dad, the one I love so much has passed away that morning at 8am sharp. He was born on September 15th 1955, so he was only 56 years old.
Everything was blank, nothing made sense at that moment, I felt for hours that I was in a different body, no tears, no pain I was just keep saying... no this is not real, I know it is not real!
I had to go home to be with my mom and pretend everything is ok. My mom being sick it is for her own best not to know what happened. She is in the stage when she will ask the same question every 10 minutes or so because she forgets everything, she needs 24 hours care, etc.
So I had to smile and try to have a positive attitude around my mom since she doesn't understand too much but she feels the emotions right away.
Being the only child had to take care of everything funerals etc along with my father's brother family. While in Romania being so busy and having my mom to take care of and to make sure she has everything she needs, I didn't have too much time to cry, to grieve.
Things have changed completely since I came back to MIami. I am overwhelmed by the new situation, by losing my dear father. I feel like crying all the time, I have him in my mind and thoughts 24/7. I am in so much pain! I hate the fact that at least I didn't have a chance to see HIM, to talk to HIM, to look into his eyes, to HUG him, to tell HIM I love him.
I never imagined I can feel so much pain and disrepair. All I want is to see him and touch him one more time. I think I wish for this to happen so much that I dream pretty often how I hug him and kiss him on the cheek.
I don't know how long it will last all this pain but I am sure it will be a long way on my way to healing.
I love you with all my heart Dad and I hope you left knowing this....I miss you and hope to see you soon somehow!

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