Thank you.....

by madison foster
(knotts island nc)

My father was a simple hard working man that did what was needed for his family. Now he was not my real dad.. In my eyes he was! That is how i grew up knowing him as till i was old enough to understand! He took me in when i was 2 and i became daddy's little girl! :) me and my dad we as close as close could get! Years past i got older and my 2 beautiful sisters were born.. and sadly me and my dad became more and more distant! i thought because he had two of his very own he didn't want nor need me anymore... so i started hating him! we fought and fought i love yous turned into i hate yous... i wanted nothing more than for him to just drop off the face of the earth! i built up such a hate for him! and sadly said words that haunt me to today. my dad made me a hard person.. He built me into a strong strong women.He made me who i am today! but i thought he was just being mean and hard on me because i wasn't his.. my sisters were treated like queens! my dads favorite line was one day you will look back and thank me for pulling your head out your *** ha! :') i swore i never would... then the summer of 2011 rolled around me an my brother were in Virginia beach visiting our grandparents i was out skate boarding with friends when my grandmother called me screaming to come home something had happen... so me thinking my brother got hurt skated home as fast as my wheels would let me go! i got home ran inside looked at my grandma asking what happened while yelling matts name then he came in yelling my name.. we both got very confused. she told us to sit down and said something has happen to your dad..we asked what she started crying and said he was gone! i started screaming saying it wasn't funny to shut up! i ran out the door and called him.. no answer..i text him.. no answer! so i called my mom! she was in peaces over the phone saying it was true... i dropped my phone and got over raged with anger! my father brought me up not to cry!.. crying was for the weak and i wasn't weak but being the spiting image of him my sadness was over powered by anger i couldn't cry! i just refused to believe it! i couldn't sleep those two days the closest thing to a dream was flash backs on me and him! everything i said! everything i didn't get to say! And what tore me apart is i just found my real dad..so my dad called me the night before telling me he loved me and my brother like his own and always had that if my real dad wasn't what i thought he would be that i would always be his baby girl! after the day my father passed away my real dad stopped calling! when i went to my fathers funeral i was put into shock! my father didn't look like himself!he didn't have his little beer gut he wasn't tan!i wouldn't allow myself to believe that was my daddy!he was purple and blue he was glued together! seeing him has scared me! i grabbed my to little sisters 5 and 6 and i refused for them to see him my mom was torn torn she was a mess! i took my sisters outside and sat them down and explained that yes that's daddy but that it didn't look like dad.. i wanted them to remember him the way he was! tall,tan,funny,green eyes,freckles all over the place,smiling! i went inside and grabbed my mom.. i told her everything was gonna be ok! then a man walked up to me and handed me my dads folded flag.. told me to honer the man my father was! my dad did not die in the military! he simply passed away in his sleep.. my brother left for the rich life!.. i stayed by my mother and sisters and did what i could to help support them! pay bills rent ex!.. my mom was not there mentally for a good year.. while they were crying an grieving i was out doing what i could because that's what my dad would have done! there was no time for me to grief! having to look life in the face alone was scary but he got me prepared for it! He was right! and every single day of my life i wish i could say you were right! sometimes i forget he isn't here! i try to block the thought! my farther raised me to be a very strong women!he made my heart steel! i have become a spiting image of him without even realizing! i can say proud to have gotten the chance to be his daughter! half of my farther beats through me everyday! so please, go hug you dad! he may be hard on you but trust me he knows what he is doing! tell him you love and appreciate him.. because i would give anything right now to tell me dad how much i love him! i learned not to take thing for granted from that day on! my father was 40 he simply just passed away in his sleep without warning.. nothing was wrong with him..just goes to show how fast things can change... thank you dad for making me the women i am today...

p.s i had a beautiful baby boy in 2013, in which i named after my father his name is shawn jr...

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Feb 01, 2014
Thank you.....
by: Doreen UK

Madison you grew up with so much pain and sadness. It is so hard when siblings come along. the oldest then feels pushed out. This is just the perception seen through the eyes of a child and is normal. Pity that the perception couldn't be picked up in your mom and Dad to see the changes in you and at least ask you what is going on. You wouldn't have grown up with these distortions. Even when distortions come and they are true, a bright child can put them in perspective and draw on the love the father gave and REFUSE to feel second best. You weren't mature enough to do this. WE make many mistakes when growing up and this can't be held against children. Often parents don't have the skills to put things right and children grow up angry. Don't feel guilty for your behaviour. You were a child, young, and not mature enough to do anything different. As you have become older and more mature you can see what went wrong, but sadly often for many to not be able to put things right. We all have to FORGIVE ourselves for our past mistakes. It is how we learn from the past and, change our future that is important. I am glad you got rid of the hate inside you, which many children have. This would have changed you as a person if this hate was still in you. Most children grow up hating their parents for something even if it is being disciplined. (a dirty word to most children).
I had a daughter I warmed to more because she made mothering easy and a pleasure. The other 2 were boisterous and hard and made motherhood more difficult. These 2 felt their older sister was my favourite. I did explain to my son that I loved him but he was a hard person to love because he gave me such sorrow. He was a REBEL. He rebelled against being taught. He even sees me taking him to Church as a punishment. I couldn't do right in his eyes. Some children are just like this. When the favourite daughter got married she had a key to the house. It was still her home and I wanted it this way. WE fell out when I included a girl in my life who needed mentoring and to be cared for. She felt I should have put her first. I couldn't understand. My daughter always came first. Many children develop distortions to their parents love and it is another bugbear in families. Even toughness can make us better people. I wish you every happiness with your new baby and your own family.

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