Thanks Dad!

by Britt

Me, my mom and dad

Me, my mom and dad

My father died May 3, 2012 of a sudden and asymptomatic massive heart attack. I am 25, married, and live away from home but my older sister, her son (Devin - dad's BEST friend), and my younger brother lived with my parents. They were all there when he collapsed in the garage without a single warning or second to say we loved him. I got the call before I put the offer on my house less than 10 minutes later. My mother called me and said he had collapsed and didn't think she could feel a pulse. So, being a nurse, I immediately stepped into gear telling her places to feel for a pulse exactly how to do it. I walked them through CPR for 2 minutes until the ambulance came.I am having so much guilt because I was looking at putting an offer at my first home right when they called and after the EMTs got there I thought they got him back and I could finish up within a few minutes and rush over to the hospital which was close. When I arrived, I heard the news that EMT failed and he was DOA. I feel responsible but I also know that my dad died the moment he hit the ground and he's with our Glorious Creator in His perfect timing. My father and I had a really rocky relationship until I was I was out of undergrad. My father and I made up and I am so grateful and I loved him so much. I feel so sad any time anything is mentioned that even partially is related but I have utter and complete faith that he was a believer and he is with Jesus and that is a true comfort!!!

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Sep 18, 2012
Thanks Dad!
by: Doreen U.K.

Britt I am sorry for your loss of your father. The guilt you feel is part of your grief and shouldn't last. But if it does tease out what happened. Your father died the minute he hit the floor. You put your nursing skills into action and tried to revive him knowing that with those symptoms he was already dead. It was the timing that was wrong. You were in the middle of doing a deal on your home. Some things we are in the middle of doing need to be completed. It isn't because you put more value on your home. You were in the middle of this. Often when faced with such a situation we don't have time to think clearly. You were in SHOCK, DISBELIEF. Many things would have been running through your mind at once. We usually process things in the order they are. You will have to FORGIVE yourself for this GUILT. When my husband was first diagnosed with a rare and serious cancer caused by working with asbestos. The future raced through my mind at 80 miles an hour. All I could think of was Steve won't be here. He is going to die. What am I going to do. I was thinking of myself for the first time in 44yrs. "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO" "who is going to look after me". etc. This too is part of grief and change. I felt a little guilty for thinking this way. But it is normal. My husband died 4 1/2 months ago of cancer. I struggle with the same feelings as everyone else. Good days and bad days. But I rise to see a new day and wish Steve was here. I still do miss Steve not being here to help me make decisions. I miss the simple life we had. We are all fractured in this fallen world and so many of us don't get on well with each other. Misunderstandings will occurr, people will be sensitive and take things the wrong way. But we just pick ourselves up and go on and do what we have to. times we separate, and times we come together. I guess this is all part of life. There have been times I have had to CONFRONT a situation or person and it has been to my disadvantage. I fell our of relationship with that person. But we have to be true to ourselves and maintain our Integrity. This is who we are. We will all go on into new lives of CHANGE. and build new lives without the people we have lost. This is the hard part. It will be painfull. But it has to be done whether we like it or not. It is just easier for younger people than change is for us who are older and set in our ways. When we believe in Jesus and in the life to come this gives us HOPE. Without this HOPE we would all be lost forever. I have this HOPE also as a believer. You will see your father again. Hold onto this.

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