That one great love

by Lin
(Illinois)

It's been 13 months. I had given myself a year to get things done and be ready to let go. That's not working out too well. We shared 26 years; he was my best friend. The one person who knew me better than anyone else and still loved me. He was a green beret for 24 years. He was strong, courageous, and so very talented. He was in a military accident and had two surgeries. The second one put him in a coma for a few days. We were called in to say goodbye. I prayed and begged and was very fortunate when God gave us 13 more years. At first we treasured every moment and were so good to each other because we knew how fragile life was. As time went on, we began to take life for granted again. I have tons of great memories, but lots of regrets too. Luckily we have a terrific son who has the best of us and doesn't seem to have any of our flaws.

I don't care about anything except my son and do the minimum to get by. At first I didn't like being with my friends, I didn't want to ruin their good times. Now I just don't think it's worth the effort. Our families are not close, but I try to let them be a part of our lives for my son's sake. I still cry 2-3 times a day and try hard not to let it affect my son, but he sees the sadness.

Here's an example of our extended family: when my husband was in the coma, I was at the hospital 20 hrs a day. I always made time for our son (then 8) and reassured him that I was watching out for his dad. He knew he could trust me and seemed fine with the arrangements. My son was with my sister. Her kids were a distraction for him. When she said I needed to come home and start being a mother again, I moved him to my parents' care. Yeah, that's the kind of loving support we can expect from our families.

He was taken suddenly at age 53 with no warning and no good byes. I've read your stories and feel very sorry for all of you.