That time that my sister died

by Richard
(Sandy Bay)

I never really knew my sister. At the time she died, it was a little bit surreal, as no-one really told me what was happening. I was 14, my mum had rushed over to Melbourne and my dad wouldn’t let me or my twin sister leave the house, or go to school.
It was really strange, ‘cause I don’t remember him being sad, or angry or anything. We just spent the two weeks when mum was away at home, doing nothing, waiting for her to come back. It was long and boring and everything seemed a little off. I remember one night, I spoke to my mum on the phone and she sounded hollow, and gaunt. My mother is a big woman, and hearing the sound like that was horrible. It was like, when she had made the decision to pull the plug on her daughter, she had killed herself too.
No-one told us that she was dead, ever. No-one actually said ‘Your sister is dead’. But, after being on the phone with mum for five minutes, I knew she had died. I knew that the sister who I met four times and barely remembered, had died, and I would never get the chance to really know her.
I cried once, and not for very long. And I didn’t even cry for my sister. She killed herself. She wasn’t selfish, but she was stupid, and she should not have done it to our parents. I cried for my mum and dad, and for the unfairness of it all that they should lose two children, 17 years apart. I cried because they had to go through all the pain again, and they shouldn’t have had to. And then, after a few little tears, I stopped and I went and I hugged my Father.
Thinking about it now, 5 years after she did it, her death changed everything. And I think that it affected me more than I realised. I obsess over my family now, over the way things were when I was a little boy. I compulsively collect photos from when I was young and if I can’t get them, I get an itch under the skin until I do. I worry about it.
The point is that suicide is not a fair thing to do. It isn’t selfish, because the people you love CAN heal over time, but it isn’t the fair thing to do to anyone. Least of all to yourself or to your family. But, it also can’t be ignored.

Comments for That time that my sister died

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Jul 20, 2014
That time that my sister died
by: Doreen UK

Richard you were young when you lost your sister, and you are still young and not MATURE enough to realise the full implication of what happened in your family.
Suicide is an act that can happen suddenly when the person is so unbearably distraught and acts quickly. Other's plan it because they can't see a way out of their painful world. Other's are so overwhelmed with pain be it physical or emotional and can't cope and so in the spur of the moment they end their lives. All need understanding and not judgement. Best leave that to God.
Your understanding as a 14yrs. old could not be different. Wondering why your father wasn't showing more emotion. As a young person this would have caused confusion in you. Often people become numb and can't express any emotion or feeling. Children can interpret what they see as uncaring or WHY? Your parents will have turbulent emotions and be distant for a while, but this does not mean they don't care about the rest of their children. Some events just take priority. If you are struggling you could see a counsellor to help you clear up any distortions around that time 5yrs. ago. I had to use a counsellor to help me when I could not go on in life and wanted to end my life also. When a person is suicidal it makes them ill and they cannot process what they are doing to the people they are leaving behind. All they can see is their pain they have to live with and they can't bear it so they end their misery even if they didn't mean to end their life. Seeing this from another perspective will help you see the reality more and not the negative aspects of suicide. Many people feel out of control and are struggling to get control of their lives and can't. I have reached that point and I can feel what a person feels when their world has fallen apart.
I hope that now 5 years has passed that you can talk to your parents with MATURITY and ask them for some answers about your sister and what went on 5yrs. ago because you need to know your history within your family. I am sure they won't deny you the answers you need. Accept what you hear realising we live in a fractured world and we are all fractured in many ways. But healing can take place when we deal with the fractures that appear. Putting this to your parents will help you move forward better. Do this now because if your parents died you would wished you had asked them the questions you need answers for. This could affect the rest of your life. We do recover from grief even if this be many years future. I am sorry for your loss.

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