The 25 yr old daughter of my cousin

by e wilson
(west plains, missouri)

We are all still reeling. I was in Colo just before Thanksgiving caring for my mother, whom we THOUGHT we were going to lose. She recovered from being on a vent, and that Tuesday before Thanksgiving I flew home to Missouri secure in her recovery. My Uncle had been instrumental in supporting us while mom was so close and we rekindled a closeness that the miles had infringed on.

I called that Uncle to see how mom was doing, and he was incoherent. He was at his grandaughter's apartment where she was sitting on the couch, 25 years old, motionless. Her 4 year old was trying to wake her. My cousin, her mom, went to the her apartment to find out why she wasn't answering her phone, it was Thanksgiving and they had made plans.

He told me to notify the family...I didn't realize I had called at the exact moment they were dealing with this.

They have no idea why this happened, autopsy results are inconclusive. I feel guilty for being SO HIGH in the elation of my mom's recovery, just to turn and watch my family dive into the abyss of grief, particularly grief during the holidays. The family was very close, all working at some time in my Uncles business.

I'm here to help my cousin find a place where she can find like parents. She is at this time raising the 4 year old son of the lost daughter, and that gives her more incentive to get up every morning, but on the weekends when school is out, and we chat online, I can almost FEEL that grief pouring thru the miles and am so very worried about her.

"How do I continue life without her?" seems to be the most asked question, and the one I have no answers for.

If any of you have found a nice place to chat with other parents in this situation, I would appreciate an answer, I feel like the only thing I can do is help her find a place to heal.

I am impotent in providing that comfort.

Comments for The 25 yr old daughter of my cousin

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 16, 2011
25 year old daughter
by: Anonymous

I looked for a site like this when my 19 year old daughter passed in May 2010. This site is still helping me find my way through the darkness of my grief. I hope your cousin finds a place such as this to know that she is not alone in that darkness that one step, one breath, and one day at a time is the only way to make it through this.

Jan 16, 2011
losing a child
by: Shirley son died August 9th, 2010, about 5 1/2 months ago. He was only 23 years old. I wish he had had a child for me to look after. I'll never have that gift. Tell your cousin to look for a local chapter of Compassionate Friends. I went to my first meeting three weeks after Dimitri died. The first meeting was VERY difficult. I've attended every month now and it's such a comfort to be in a room full of parents who have lost a child.

This site too can offer comfort. I also keep a journal and I belong to a leukemia support group (my son died of AML).

Your cousin will never "get over" this death. The best she can hope for is to learn to live with it. It's a horrible thing to say but after interacting with parents who have lost children I've come to realize that this is by far the worst thing that can happen to a person and there is no "getting over it".
Hugs to your family,

Jan 15, 2011
You have found help right here...
by: Anonymous

This is the place to be. We have all suffered and are suffering a huge loss and do not know where to turn or what to do. At least in the beginning. This site has helped me tremendously. I was fortunate enough to find it one month into grief. Truly if not for this site I would have absolutely lost my mind. We will welcome her with open arms because we really can understand how lost you can be. The grief ride is hell and nobody understands if better. Please have her read the post on loss of an adult child. It will not fix her, nothing can, But it can help ease her through this hard time.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!