The Anger The Tears and The Memories Strangle me
by Hope M Holt
Survival of the Fittest
So here I am at 11 months as of tomorrow 10-06-10
Part of me is Proud that I have made it this far.
That each day that I choked down did not kill my soul as I thought it would have. I would like to brag that what does not kill you makes you stronger but that is a buncha crap. It really is. I am ashamed that I have made it this long without you.
It was forever yesterday that you DIED. You did not leave me, the harsh reality is that you are DEAD and nothing is going to bring you back and the memories of you are so strong.
I can remember the look in your eyes when we met at that picnic. I can remember just how I fell in Love with you. You were the right man at the wrong time but Love doesn't show itself when you want, Nor does dying.
When would I have wanted you to leave me To Die?
At least for us to have some of our golden years together. To watch our children grow into adults.
I cannot have my heart ripped out and have it re grow like a lizard tail. Yes I sound angry probably for the first time if you can believe that. I have made it this long and have wept in private staying strong for our son.
I have wept in public when I see the old couple holding hands that should have been us.
So this is Me Hope M. Holt
The strong one the one that has gotten through all of this only to fall to her knees at 11 months.
Crying at the keyboard, not willing to rouse someone out of their sleep or happiness to listen to the same ole shit.
Damn I CAN do this because tomorrow is another day.