The Best Dad in the World

by Jolene
(Cleveland Ohio)

My Dad was such a great man. Everyone who met him liked him. And of course all of his kids love him. In 1977 he met my mother who had 6 little boys. I think he loved the kids more than my Mom. In 1978 I was born and me and my Daddy have been together ever since. My Mom abandoned us about 19 years ago, she left when I was 14 and was going thru a bout of cancer myself. She just left. Sure I could have flew the coup like the rest of them. Then my Dad would have been all alone. And thats 1 thing I didnt want to happen to him. So I stayed with him cause I made him a promise when I was a lil girl that I would never leave you Daddy. Well after 34 great and some not so great years together he passed away on March 11th. When he passed my heart went with him. I have no feelings anymore. I go through the motions but I really dont care. I really dont think its really, really set in. It still feels like a nightmare and I will come downstairs and hell be sitting there smiling at me. I have 1 message on my machine from him that says "I just wanted to tell you I love you, I love you very much,bye Daddy loves you." My Dad worked full time up until 2005. Thats also when I had my daughter, his Pooh Bear. He instantly became Mr. Mom. He washed her clothers by hand. He changed her diapers, made bottles, fed her. She even slept in his arms. Shed go to sleep and then hed doze off. It was so sweet. Also in 2005 he was diagnosed with bladder cancer, carcinoma in situ. So he chose to get the BCG treatments rather than remove the bladder. It went away, the treatment worked. He was fine up intil September of 2011. Since he had cancer before he had to go every 6 months for a cystoscope.When he went for his scope in March he was clean nothing. Well when he went in September his Urologist saw something he didnt like. He set him up right away for a cystoscopy. They had to be careful because he was on blood thinners for blood clots. Well after the procedure the Dr. came out and talked to me and it was not good news. Rather than being raised like last time this 1 was flat and almost not visible. So he wound up with squamous cell neoplasm carcinoma of the bladder. Something that is mainly found in skin cancer patients. It only affects 2% of the population unless you live in Egypt and swim in the nile. He could not make it through the surgery to remove the bladder because of his congestive heart failure. He would never had have made it off the table. This particular strain does not react to radiation and most types of chemo. But they did try chemo by the name of alimta. He had 1 dose and for a few days after he was fine. Then his gout began to flare up because of the chemo. He couldnt walk, he fell off the couch, so I called EMS to take him in. This was about the end of Decenber right after Christmas. Well he was in the hospital until January 30 of this year. That was the day he came home. He was fine he just couldnt walk. Ive been his live in "nurse" for many years. So now he needed me the most. I was there 24-7 with him. Not to mention when he was in the hospital I stayed there with him 24-7. I never left his side. Needless to say they would not give him anymore chemo. Therefore there was no further treatment for him. So I brought him home on Hospice. I would never let him go to a facility. It was the hardest work Ive done. Mainly because I had to watch him deteriorate. I set up my baby monitor so if he needed me all he had to do was yell. I barely slept anyways. I checked on him every half hour. Well the day of the 11th I had just checked on him at 430AM. He was alert and surprisingly clear headed. Prior he had been purely hallucinating. Hospice said the cancer had went to his brain. So on the 11th I went to check on him at 5AM and I couldnt wake him up. I tried everything to wake him up and no response. I stared at his chest to see if it was moving and it was still. Ive never cried so hard and begged God so much in all my life. I tried to fix it. I asked and asked for God to give me his sickness and let him live. He didnt want to go like that. He didnt deserve it. No 1 does. All thats been going on here is lots and lots of cryin. I cant function. He was, is my world. My house is so empty so is my heart. I love him and miss him sooo much. It doesnt feel real. Like I will wake up from this nightmare.

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