The best part of me died suddenly

by Simpson

It’s been 10 weeks so my soul mate passed away. He came home from a normal day of work and said he felt like something was caught in his throat/chest. I asked him to let me take him to get checked out at the ER because he had not eaten and it just didn’t sound right. It took me about 45 minutes to convince him to go. On the way to the hospital he told me he was cold and uncomfortable. When we arrived he walked himself into the hospital and to the back room. He sat down they hooked up the EKG and within seconds they told us he was having a heart attack. They were explaining what the next steps where when he let out a slight moan, his eyes rolled back and his head went limp. They immediately removed me and brought the crash cart. They came and told me he was revived and they were getting him ready for surgery. For a moment I had hope. Within a half hour they came and got me and told me I needed to say my final goodbye as he was gone and there was nothing they could do. My heart dropped and I was lifeless. I begged him not to go. I watched my dreams; hopes and life slip away in that instant. I get up every day and go through the motions but I feel like I am not in the real world. I don’t understand and I can’t imagine getting past this. I look for him; I look for signs from him. People tell me I will survive but how do they know? They go home to their husbands, partners, soul mates. I am going home to emptiness. I want to see his face, hear his voice, and feel his touch. I don’t want a life without him but god doesn’t seem ready for me or there is more I need to do here. I know god has put his hands on me and lifted me up each morning to face the day, but I so wish he would take me home. I use to fear death but now I don’t. I pray he will want me soon because this is unbearable. I thought we would have more time. 50 is to soon! What do I do now? I feel like it’s getting worse instead of better.

Comments for The best part of me died suddenly

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 19, 2014
Love of my life gone
by: Lois

I feel your pain my soul mate my best friend lover and husband of 25 years passed away at the age of 43 this Christmas morning 2013. He was not ill a very fit man . I was talking to him one min next he was gone . I have been with him since I was 16 . he was my world we were not blessed with children . so am totally alone . I scream I cry I beg I could be in a room full of a 1000 people and still feel alone. I did not just love him I was in love with him . I DON'T KNOW who I am any more or how I can carry on . I would rather be with him than here with out him . We lived our life for each other . I don't sleep or eat and every day is a struggle . I still am in shock I guess hoping it's all a nigh mare and I will wake from a bad dream .family trying to help but I want to scream I don't want you I want him . I don't think I can do this anymore but I know I have to and that scares me . I want to feel him hold me and tell me once again he loves me and it will be alright .

Jan 07, 2014
So so sad
by: Anonymous

My heart breaks for all of us here. My partner of 20 years Pete died suddenly 6 weeks ago. He was only 54. We weren't married, but lived next door to each other. We spent time together every day for 20 years. He was at home when he died early in the morning, alone. It breaks my heart. My mum once told me "he's the nicest person you have ever known". Hugs to all of you and may we find the strength to work through this awful pain. I am sobbing for all of us.

Jan 06, 2014
to. best part of me died
by: William Kounter

Such a shock you had. My God, I am so, so sorry. Believe me, I know what you're going through. It's been less than nine months since I lost my wife.

Just know that there is a lot of love, prayers, and sympathy from me, from all of us at this site. We all understand what you're going through.

Jan 04, 2014
Hang in there!
by: Anonymous

I lost my wife (Soulmate)on December 25th 2013 suddenly and unexpectedly. I pray god brings peace to your heart. The emptiness is unbearable but I believe god has a plan.

Jan 03, 2014
me too
by: Bobbysgirl

Hi, I lost my Robert to a heart attack this past September. We were planning on celebrating his 55th birthday. Instead, I had to hold him as his spirit left the body that I loved to hold and will miss until its time for me to join him. It is strangely comforting to know there are others who know what I know and feel what I feel. May god be with you as I ask him to guide me. I talk, hear my Roberts voice and respond all day everyday. God bless us all along with our loved one.

Jan 01, 2014
the best part of me died...
by: silver

Dear Simpson,I haven't been on in awhile.Since September I have been dealing with several deaths in my family..My father died on Dec 4,'09 and his bd was on Sept.12,my husband who died in '11 birthday was Oct 3,my mother,who died 8 mos after my dad,her bd was Oct 23. and the anniversary of my sisters death was Nov.1st.That coupled with the Holidays...well It was hard to cope.I hope I have will do better this year.Like you I don't fear death.I believe in GOD and Heaven.More...I want to be with my husband again.I don't seek death but I wait for it.I want to see my love again.I want to hold him again.I miss him so very much that even after 2 1/2 yrs I still have tears run down my face on occasion.The hope I can offer you is that,although the pain never goes away,it does get easier to handle.I don't cry hard very much anymore.Mostly it's a few tears here and there when something triggers the feeling...he's really gone and he's not coming back.Last night,at midnight,I continued a tradition we had...I sat and looked into his eyes in a picture and told him I loved him.I always made sure I was with him or on the phone with him ant midnight New Year's Eve. Little things like this help keep him around.I talk about him often.To not talk would be like he didn't exist.I spent the majority of 37 yrs with this man and I never thought I would be a widow before I was old enough to retire.My kids say I should go out to the senior center and other such places and find someone to visit with and talk to. I haven't felt up to it until the past few days I realized I need to not give up on life.He was so full of life that it would be wrong.My prayers are with you as you learn to deal with this grief.Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long...just know that there are many of us here that know exactly how you feel.We don't judge,and we will give whatever support we can.GOD be with you and give you strength an peace.

Dec 28, 2013
I feel your pain.
by: Lorraine

How my heart breaks for you as my husband passed away on November7th 2013 and i feel exactly as you do. My heart is broken too and how do we go on each day to face the world? If you have cried as many tears as i have we could fill a lake. I hope you find peace soon. Lorraine.

Dec 27, 2013
by: Cathy

Simpson this was so sad for me to read as my husband passed away last year of a sudden massive heart attack. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. One minute they are here and the next, gone into thin air. You are probably still in shock as it has only been 10 weeks for you. It is very hard to deal with, the hardest thing imaginable. My husband was only 56 when he passed away and had just retired 3 weeks before this. Life does not seem fair at all. Faith is about all that I have to hang onto. Although I am still angry about everything and my faith is broken. My only advice is that the intensity of grief you are feeling right now will ease up eventually to the point where you will function better. I hope you have someone you can talk to from time to time about it. This might help a little. There are so many of us widows and widowers out there and yet you don't really hear very much about it anywhere. Once again I am so very, very sorry about the loss of your husband.

Dec 26, 2013
Dear Simpson,
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for your loss. Similarly, my father passed suddenly in January. He collapsed and died from a cardiac event. He and my mother were together almost 50 years. I am working through my own grief, but her sadness and lonliness are almost too much to bear. I know how I feel losing my father, and I can't imagine how she feels - she lost her sould mate. She is trying to carry on for me and for my children, but I know deep down she is struggling. It is so hard, and she takes it one day at time. I can only offer you my condolences and my prayers. I hope you can begin to heal and find some peace along the way. Hugs to you, Barb

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!