The best part of me died suddenly
It’s been 10 weeks so my soul mate passed away. He came home from a normal day of work and said he felt like something was caught in his throat/chest. I asked him to let me take him to get checked out at the ER because he had not eaten and it just didn’t sound right. It took me about 45 minutes to convince him to go. On the way to the hospital he told me he was cold and uncomfortable. When we arrived he walked himself into the hospital and to the back room. He sat down they hooked up the EKG and within seconds they told us he was having a heart attack. They were explaining what the next steps where when he let out a slight moan, his eyes rolled back and his head went limp. They immediately removed me and brought the crash cart. They came and told me he was revived and they were getting him ready for surgery. For a moment I had hope. Within a half hour they came and got me and told me I needed to say my final goodbye as he was gone and there was nothing they could do. My heart dropped and I was lifeless. I begged him not to go. I watched my dreams; hopes and life slip away in that instant. I get up every day and go through the motions but I feel like I am not in the real world. I don’t understand and I can’t imagine getting past this. I look for him; I look for signs from him. People tell me I will survive but how do they know? They go home to their husbands, partners, soul mates. I am going home to emptiness. I want to see his face, hear his voice, and feel his touch. I don’t want a life without him but god doesn’t seem ready for me or there is more I need to do here. I know god has put his hands on me and lifted me up each morning to face the day, but I so wish he would take me home. I use to fear death but now I don’t. I pray he will want me soon because this is unbearable. I thought we would have more time. 50 is to soon! What do I do now? I feel like it’s getting worse instead of better.