The Best Teacher I ever had- my Dad
I lost my dad 7 months ago; he was 62. He suffered a massive heart attack and dropped dead in front of my brother, mother, Uncle and cousins. The doctors said he didn't feel a thing- it was just lights out. He was doing something he loved, laughing and having a good time until all of a sudden he wasn't. He was joking up until the last second.
My brother started performing mouth to mouth but he was already gone. I feel so badly when he tells me things like he will never forget the way our father tasted the day he died.
The worst part is that I don't feel him in my life anymore. I miss him so terribly. I miss the sound of his voice, the advice he would give/ the advice he wouldn't give. He was just so instrumental in my life and I am broken and lost without him.
I don't know how to mend. I don't know how to grieve. I have to figure out how to live. Having him in my life is all I have ever known and I'm still too young to not have my dad.
Some days are fine and I manage like I did before he died. But then some days are horrible and I feel like I can't get enough air to sustain my own life.
I go to sleep at night trying to will myself to dream of him. But it doesn't happen. I wake up thinking I can call him and hear his voice. But I can't. I think of the things that he won't see me do and accomplish and it breaks me. I am just so lost and don't know how to find my way.
This grief is so consuming.