The Best Teacher I ever had- my Dad

I lost my dad 7 months ago; he was 62. He suffered a massive heart attack and dropped dead in front of my brother, mother, Uncle and cousins. The doctors said he didn't feel a thing- it was just lights out. He was doing something he loved, laughing and having a good time until all of a sudden he wasn't. He was joking up until the last second.
My brother started performing mouth to mouth but he was already gone. I feel so badly when he tells me things like he will never forget the way our father tasted the day he died.

The worst part is that I don't feel him in my life anymore. I miss him so terribly. I miss the sound of his voice, the advice he would give/ the advice he wouldn't give. He was just so instrumental in my life and I am broken and lost without him.

I don't know how to mend. I don't know how to grieve. I have to figure out how to live. Having him in my life is all I have ever known and I'm still too young to not have my dad.

Some days are fine and I manage like I did before he died. But then some days are horrible and I feel like I can't get enough air to sustain my own life.

I go to sleep at night trying to will myself to dream of him. But it doesn't happen. I wake up thinking I can call him and hear his voice. But I can't. I think of the things that he won't see me do and accomplish and it breaks me. I am just so lost and don't know how to find my way.

This grief is so consuming.

Comments for The Best Teacher I ever had- my Dad

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May 07, 2012
miss my dad
by: Anonymous

we have a really small family, just me my two sisters and mum and dad. 7 months ago we were all waiting at my older sisters for dad to turn up for my nieces third birthday, but he never arrived. Mum found him, he had almost made it, just 1 km away he had had a massive heart attack and died instantly,he had managed to pull off the road and had sat on the side of the main highway with hundreds of cars going past not noticing he was not just parked. I will never for get how he looked on the side of the road. Dad was the centre of our little world, he was a truely old fashioned man, who had been in the military so was strict and hard working. He was a very successful and well known businessman in our town so still going to the supermarket, I am greeted by well wishers and its exhausting having to grieve so publicly. time stopped that day and none of us have moved on, the hole he has left is unfillable and most days now I drift around like a zombie, my two babies will never know him, my life will never be the same, our family has all broken up and the fighting and drama never seems to end. such a lonely thing grief and all consuming, nothing seems to matter anymore, and Im afraid of losing someone else. Im glad he did not suffer or kill someone else on the road. But Im not sure if I will ever feel truely happy again. I saw him most days and its taken this long to really realise he isn't just away on holiday, then the shock lifts and the gloom enters again. I miss him more than I ever imagined I would and I feel like I have lost such a huge part of the purpose for my life, who do I try to please now, whats the point he can't see my achievements or my childrens milestones. I can't go into his office or even the house, mum is a shell, zombielike after 42 years of marriage she is lost and doesn't even want to talk about him, for 3 months we pretended it hadn't happened, now we have to accept it and it has broken us all. Miss you dad, my superhero

Apr 19, 2012
my heart goes out to you
by: Anonymous

Hi my heart goes out to you my dad died at 62 6 months ago last weekend. everything you say thats how i feel i dont know how we are supposee to get through it all i know is that i too go to bed praying that i will dream of him but no nothing.
i feel my dad is with me on the really bad days but i know exactly what you are going through. people say time will heal and you will feel better i dont know how. nobody can make you feel better i know that now

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