The big C..took my husband

by Deborah Thompson

Wayne and I were married 28 years when he found out he had stage 4 Cancer..they did not give him really past 6 months , but we fought it for 22 months when he finally could not fight anymore and died on our 30th anniversary. I have been told that was special gift that he left me and I do believe that , I think that was his goal and once he met it he asked if he could go now...I could not tell him it was ok, even though that is what he was looking for. He instead waited till the hospice nurse came in and she told him that she was there with me and the boys and it was ok to go and he did 2 minutes later..
I have been dealing with the guilt thinking maybe we could have gone somewhere else and maybe gotten better help to fight his cancer, yet 6 nights ago I had my first dream of my husband since he passed almost 7 months ago and in the dream he told me that there was nothing more I could have done that the cancer was going to take him anyways no matter what we did. I have to say I have been at peace since that dream...or was it a dream..I don't know but I feel like he was trying to tell me he is ok..the crying is less due to the dream, yet the missing him and the lonelyness is still horrible and probably will be for the rest of my life..
I wanted to grow old with him, he was only 52 so young we had so much to live much to do ..

Comments for The big C..took my husband

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May 27, 2012
love that knows no realms
by: Anthony

Dear Deborah,

Rest assured that it was your husband who had come back to assure you. My beloved wife Constance left me two months ago due to lung cancer - she fought hard and held on till the last. I found it hard to deal with and she never told me, but the counsellor who looked after the two of us shared with me later that when she asked cons how much her desire to stay on was for me and for her the answer was 80% for me .... Such was her love even right to the very end.

I was blessed to be able to walk and pray her through the gates to Jesus - and am glad God gave me the strength to do so.

Unlike you we had a lousy oncologist looking after her. Here in Singapore everyone's a good paper warrior - our leaders believe that only scholars should advance and it's the same everywhere in our civil service - they are good at writing papers (I looked up all the papers he had written) but, as ususal here, he was wet behind the ears, all 30 years plus of him, a good theorist but unable to help his patients.

I had to seek outside opinion to understand what was happening to her, but, by that time, it was too late.

One of the things we agreed on is that she will find a way to keep in touch with me after she goes, and she has. Through dreams, an email from the past, a strange ant formation that showed a heart, smells, her favorite soft toys in a different position when I return home ( I stay alone) - I know that she cares for me and is around to look after me - and, everyday, at 612 pm, my iPhone will buzz reminding me to pray for her at the time she returned to Jesus. I always remind her not to abandon me just as she said to me that she was so glad that I had not abandoned her all through this time! And I hold her to this deal.

So, continue to believe that he will manifest himself to you to show his love and care for you - be open to seeing it happen and you will see him!

May 26, 2012
I believe
by: Julie

I believe absolutely that your dream was a message from your husband. My Charlie has been gone almost 7 weeks. I have had several dreams about him in that time. Some were ordinary dreams about things in our past, but four were more intense and in them I had the knowledge that it was now. The first three were lead ups I think. In each of them I could actually feel him - they let me know he was okay and that he loves me. The fourth, which was last week, seems significant to me. I woke around 6:30 am, pain in my stomach longing and crying for Charlie. Dreamed we woke up in bed together. He was very real. I felt him all over and knew he had come back. We got up and went to another room. I said to him “you know you were dead?” He said “no, I was here, always in another room from you”. He put on his cap. I said “what are you going to do?” He said “I’m going on”.
The dream was over. Did it mean he didn’t really die, his spirit has been here (which I have felt all along)? Is he going on to heaven or going on being here with me? Also in the dream when we left the bedroom the Christmas tree was still up. It bothered me even in the dream, thinking I had been ignoring everything in my grief. Maybe a sign to get on with things.
I'm sorry to say I haven't had that type of dream since - maybe he really is going on.
I posted about my dreams on another site and got an email from someone saying loved ones can't come to us in dreams - she used a Biblical reference. Well, I believe in God and I believe God would want us to be comforted.

May 26, 2012
unconditional love
by: Anonymous

God bless you and your husband. He, like my late wife had to go but they stayed as long as they could because of their unconditional love for us. I am so glad you spoke of your dream as it has only been 2 months for me, you have given me hope that my late wife will come to me somehow, that she is free from her pain and that someday we will be reunited. We spent our time growing ever so close as her diease progressed and I understood true love is in the heart and not the transient body. I could spend lifetimes more with her if that is what is destined. I leave it up to God and his devine guidance. My prayer are with you. Michael.

May 25, 2012
by: Alan

Hi Deborah, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife nearly six months ago to lung cancer. This coming June 4th will be our 35th anniversary, she was also 52.
My wife's Oncologist was surprised she fought this awful disease for almost 2 and a half years, I now know she fought so long, so hard, so we could have as much time together as possible.
Guilt is such an ugly human emotion at this point in our lives, it seems to run rampant when we're at our lowest.
They say eventually we'll think of our Husbands/Wives and we won't cry..........
I haven't reached that point, I miss my Donna more than I could ever describe.
I have no magic words to bring you comfort. I hope you find the strength you need to carry on.

May 25, 2012
Please Don't Feel Guilty.......
by: TrishJ

We are both too young to be widows. I really started doubting my faith and the truth of an after life when my husband passed. We were married for 37 years. I was a baby of 19 when we met. I really though we would grow old together. My husband died while waiting for a heart transplant. I had to watch him go from a handsome vibrant man to just a shadow of himself. We both fought so hard to keep him here.
I completely believe in life after death now. I've done so much reading and studying on life the subject. I'm obsessed and consumed with it. With my whole heart I believe that was your husband telling you that everything possible was done. It was more than a dream. He loves you still (and always will) and doesn't want you to suffer any guilt. It's hard not to feel guilty. I had my husband in the hands of the best cardiac thoracic surgeon in the world (yes in the world~rich sheiks from Dubai came to have this doctor care for them) and it wasn't enough. It was God's plan. We don't understand and it really sucks sometimes. I still have very bad days and miss my husband so much. I always will.
Somebody on another web site posted, "I miss my wife so much but I would not want her back as ill as she was. She was in pain and now her pain is gone. I'm in pain but I can deal with it knowing she is no longer suffering." That's love. The one thing that can never be taken from us is their love. We will love them always and they will return that love......ALWAYS.
Please don't feel guilty. Things do get better but it never fully leaves us...the pain. What we move on to is different. I told my children we have to live our lives the best we can and make him proud (he loved to brag so).
God bless. Try to find 1 thing to smile about everyday.

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