The big C..took my husband
by Deborah Thompson
Wayne and I were married 28 years when he found out he had stage 4 Cancer..they did not give him really past 6 months , but we fought it for 22 months when he finally could not fight anymore and died on our 30th anniversary. I have been told that was special gift that he left me and I do believe that , I think that was his goal and once he met it he asked if he could go now...I could not tell him it was ok, even though that is what he was looking for. He instead waited till the hospice nurse came in and she told him that she was there with me and the boys and it was ok to go and he did 2 minutes later..
I have been dealing with the guilt thinking maybe we could have gone somewhere else and maybe gotten better help to fight his cancer, yet 6 nights ago I had my first dream of my husband since he passed almost 7 months ago and in the dream he told me that there was nothing more I could have done that the cancer was going to take him anyways no matter what we did. I have to say I have been at peace since that dream...or was it a dream..I don't know but I feel like he was trying to tell me he is ok..the crying is less due to the dream, yet the missing him and the lonelyness is still horrible and probably will be for the rest of my life..
I wanted to grow old with him, he was only 52 so young we had so much to live for..so much to do ..