The biggest mistake of a 12 years old girl

by TrNguyen

since i was 2,my dad had to go abroad for work,he just come back home 3 times a year,and those times were the most happy times for my family,those times were the only times we can eat together,can talk together,and i can play game with my dad.Before every my dad's come back,my 2 older sisters and me were verry happy and we made handmade gift for him.I still remember how my mother,my sisters and me hid behind the door to make he suprise from the first step into our home,i still remember the happy smile of my mother,i still remember how warm these days were,i miss him for all my childhood and now,i will have to miss him for my rest life with hurt
And it was when i was 12,my father suddenly came back home,my mother took him to a hospital and then they came back with tears in my mother's eye, my father had a end stage liver cancer. I still didn't believe,i couldn't even understand,i had never got any hard time in my life,i couldn't understand the problem the right way.
My father live with us for 3 months,in that time,i always felt heavy in my sould whenever i got home,i see my dad was very weak,thin and walked slowly with a hand on his
abdominal,i just wanna hid myself and i woulddn't need to see anything.My dad in his rest life,he tried to do every single things he can for his family,he drove amotobike to buy water pipe to fix the house's plumbing but he fell to the ground,he stand for a while to look at us everytime he get throught our sisters bed,he didn't get the medicine to take that money to buy an automobike for my sister,he know i love the noodle named bún riêu and he asked me to go to eat with him but i refused cuz that 12 years old girl think her dad look so strange,she scare how would people think if they see she go next to him,when my dad hardly stood up i didn't even help him ,i just look at him confusedly,i didn't know what to do,i didn't really understand any things,and my dad died after 3 months live with us
When he died,i wasn't really hurt,i still didn't understand,i cried but my heart didn't hurt very badly
But,time get thruogh,the more i grow up the more i feel hurt,very hurt,the more i understand my bad behavior,the more i understand that i had lost my dad,the more i feel how important he is to me,i regret and feel myself at fault,why don't he died after more 2 years that i grow enough to understand the problem,that i understand enough to appreciate the left time i had him beside me.
And now,the left are my hurt,my regret,my wish and my broken heart,his death like a large wound to me,the wound that made me hurt so bad everytime someone or myself touch it, a wound that never heal.(just a song,afilm,a stories about dad can easily takes my tears and makes me hurt)
Dad,it's seven years since god take you away from me,your death's still a big hole to my life,i love you and i'm very sorry,someday we will meet each other again,on that day i sure i will know how to show you my love,how to appreciate the time i have you beside me.

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Nov 23, 2012
The biggest mistake of a 12 years old girl
by: Doreen U.K.

Trnguyen I am sorry for your loss of your Dad to cancer. My husband died of cancer 6 months ago. I miss him too much. My husband just like your dad had to work all over the world and he spent a lot of time away from his children and me and he got cancer and didn't get any time for himself to enjoy his life. This is one of the great injustices in the world. We will struggle with a lot in our life.
You are so young. A school girl who had to learn at a young age the pain of losing a father. Your good memories were short and your painfull years long. You did not get time to build up a father and daughter relationship this is also why you feel so unhappy. You didn't do anything wrong by not wanting to go with your father to eat a meal. You were embarrassed and shy. This is normal at your age to feel this way. Because you are grown up now and see life in a different way does not mean that you were wrong or did something wrong. You did what children do. You shouldn't have to be grown up when you are young. I had to be grown up when I was young so I know how difficult this is. Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to live with Peace. You deserve to be happy. Grief is painful and hard and you feel you won't get over this. You will. If you have counsellors in your country then go and see one and talk out how you feel. Counsellors are skilled to help you fill in the missing parts in your life and help you understand better how you feel and help you get rid of the guilt. It will evaporate and you will start to feel better. Be happy and enjoy your life. God expects us to live and do our best in life. Best wishes.

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