The brightest star burns the quickest

by Viv Edge
(Isle of man, UK)

Happy & full of life, on holiday 4 months before she died

Happy & full of life, on holiday 4 months before she died

Our beautiful daughter Katie died suddenly aged 27 on 17th Dec 2010 from a brain haemorrhage as a result of infection.
To say we miss her every day is an understatement. Christmas will never be the same again & this year passed in a blur, away from home in sunny Tenerife with our 2 sons (21 & 27) and away from happy family memories and traditions.

Our only consolation is that Katie saved 7 lives through organ donation, bitter sweet I know but it's what we cling onto when we feel such despair.

Now we have to try to live our lives which for me means working in the hospital where she & I both worked (she as a Phlebotomist & me as a Senior Ward Sister on a stroke rehabilitation ward) & where she was treated before being transferred to a specialist hospital.

The irony of my job and Katie's cause of death are with me constantly, my whole nursing career has been working with stroke patients and to think that's what my girl died of is like a slap in the face, it's so hard to carry on working there and every day I think about leaving but I have to carry on to keep the money coming in!

Many people just don't seem to grasp the enormity of losing a child, I know all loss is huge and individual but losing a child is so disorientating to your life's plan, they're not meant to go before us are they???

So my focus and mission now is to try to raise the profile of the support bereaved parents need, to meet, to let people know we're "not over it" yet or "feeling better".

There is no support group available for people like us so I've started my own with the help of a few other parents in the same situation, just 6 of us so far but just talking to people who truly understand helps us all tremendously.

I compare my personal grief to being diagnosed with a terminal illness, no treatment is available for it apart from mild symptom control & I will continue to suffer for it until I die.

So great is the loss of a child.


Comments for The brightest star burns the quickest

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Jan 21, 2012
grieving mom
by: Anonymous

I lost my son 18 months ago to leukemia...he was 23 years old and I adored him. I can recommend The Compassionate Friends facebook group. We are all grieving parents and very supportive. I'm sorry about your beautiful daughter. Life is so unfair sometimes....
Shirley in California

Jan 20, 2012
by: Viv Edge

Thank you for your lovely comments.
Thinking and praying for all of us who are grieving in any way but especially for the loss of their child.

In case you may not have heard of it The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is an excellent support group for bereaved parents they have branches world wide apart from where I live!)& forums which are a great support

Jan 19, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

Although I don't really know how you feel, I understand what you're going through. My oldest and only son passed away Nov.1st 2010. I felt I was floating through the first year with shock and numbness, basically trying everyday to keep my head above water as much as possible. After the one-year mark had passed, I just feel my whole being is just filled with sadness each day, and the roller coaster of emotions keeps occurring off and on.
One of the things that really irritates me is the excuse of friends/family made in that 'we don't know what to do or say'. I think this is such a lame excuse since in this days and age nearly anything that one wants to know can be obtained through the internet. Just type 'bereaved parents' on google and there're so much info on how to help them. It's so easy to make such an excuse and not do anything. Such attitude just makes us feel more isolated and alone.


Jan 19, 2012
Like A Terminal Illness
by: Julie

Your comparison of losing a child to being diagnosed with a terminal illness is one of the best descriptions I have heard yet to describe the state of being that happens after the death of a child. It is an incurable state and while we may learn to manage the illness, only death will cure it. My sympathies to you on the loss of your beautiful daughter. You are about a year ahead of me in working through the loss. My son died in a motorcycle accident November 9, 2011. One moment he was healthy and happy--the next, he was dead. The shock is debilitating. I have friends who lost their 19 year old to tonsilitis 3 years ago. Talk about a shock. I will pray for you and your family to find peace.

Jan 19, 2012
I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss, and you are right, no one understands the pain and agony that we face every second of everyday. I get so tired of hearing "they are in a better place." Do they want their child where our children are? A good place is here with us. Another comment is "Are you better yet or I wish Becky could be herself again." This makes me angry and hurt for their lack of caring and compassion. How would they be if they lost their child? I will never be the person I was before losing my son in such a tragedy, or will I have get over it and truthfully I would not want too. Your daughter is beautiful. I know you miss her and long to see her. I wish you peace and comfort.
Becky Loflin
Marty's Mama

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