The cold howling winds bring memories
It snowed last night...
Just enough to spark the memories of last winter. It will forever more be burned into my mind the snowiest day VA had for years, and the year that My Love Francis Paul Holt Died.
The wind is howling and cold. I will stay in the warmth of this house my cocoon. I will bake today and try to bring some warmth to my heart. It feels so cold and empty like the wind outside.
My hands shake slightly, my lip trembles remembering last year with such clarity that it scares me all over again. This unwanted visual forced on me. I feel small and weak as though I have made no progress at all this past year. I am ashamed that I have cast myself back to that point.
It was Sunday last year at this very time 8:30 that he went on that last walk. Never to return. I could feel it in my gut. I knew something was wrong, Terribly wrong. I called the police after an hour trying to quiet that awful shaking gut feeling.
And now it is that same feeling all over again. I shake like a leaf with the same fear and trepidation of that day. The winds howl the same cold as a year ago.
I feel like an animal cornered in a memory that I do not want. Trying to escape to somewhere safe.