The day my life change for the worse!

by Marissa

The day that I lost my mom, I also lost my best friend; the only person to really ever understand me and love me for who I am and not who they wanted me to be. She was the only person that I could tell anything and not have to worry about being judged and I always knew no matter what she would still love me. I would say I was one of the fortunate ones, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was five years old. Obviously at that age I didn’t completely understand how serious it was. I just knew that my mom was gone to the hospital and was very sick. I say I’m one of the lucky ones because after that I still had seventeen years with my mom. Over the years I knew that every time she was in remission that it could just be a temporary thing. I knew that I could lose my mom at any time. Cancer is not something that to be taken lightly. My mom always wanted me to know that her time may be short but she was always there for me. I never took her for granted I knew what I had before I lost it. It may even be because of the cancer that we were so close. She was a very strong woman; I know that she fought the cancer as long and as hard as she did for me and my brother. She just wanted to raise her kids, she wanted a chance to watch us grow up, have our own families, and be the responsible caring people that she raised us to be. So she fought and she fought hard. Seventeen years later my brother had his own family two little boys and one on the way. She was having one last surgery, she told me this was it; she couldn’t do anymore after this. She was having the surgery just to buy time for my brother, her grandkids, and me. Unfortunately after she was released from the hospital she passed away in the hotel with my dad and grandmother; for what we only assume to be a blood clot. I say that I’m lucky for having seventeen years with her, and you would think that knowing that it was a chance all those years would make it easier; but really it didn’t. Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful for those years there were so many things that she taught me how to be a generous, loving human being. But in my own selfishness I wish she was here. I still to this day pick up the phone to call her when I need help or advice. My mom passed away on June 12, 2010. Almost two years now the pain is no easier, some days it’s unbearable. I cry myself to sleep. All the while I have to put a front that I’m okay and that I’m moving on with my life. I don’t want people to take pity on me, I know I was blessed for the time I had with her; it helps at times to know that she is no longer in pain and in such a better place. But it’s hard; the last time that I saw my mom she was in the ICU at Duke, I had to leave to go back to work I had no more time that I could take off. I still feel very guilty that I left, but before I did we had our time of arguing who loved who more, like we had done so many times before. How many people can say the main thing that they ever argued about with their mom was who loved who more? I miss her deeply and if I could have traded places with her I would have done it in a second. She was such a better person than I can ever imagine being, everyone loved her, she never said anything against anyone. I know one day I will see her again but until then I feel dead inside, too scared to let anyone in knowing that I may lose them. I don’t think that I could take another loss of someone I love. So I distant myself all while trying to seem together and perfect never letting anyone know that I can barely live life without her. If your still reading this I thank you, to know that someone else knows how I feel finally; even though I don’t know you. It may help to at least get it out there. Knowing that I’m not alone in grieving and just hoping that someday it gets better and I can just accept the fate that I was dealt.

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May 10, 2012
i can relate
by: Anonymous

My mother who was my best friend died 13 months ago of ovarian cancer. WE were told of her illness 13 days before she died. Time is not making it easier. I miss more each day I feel cheated because her illness should have been detected earlier. I wonder why God took her and left me with the horroble pain of missng her. I also see her friends that are her age and wonder why my mother she was a good person who still had many years of living to do. The pain, guilt and sorrow I feel are consuming me. I fake that I am ok but i am not She suffered the pains of hell the last few days of her life. That image is embedded in my brain and it replays over and over all day and all night. This must ne what hell is it could not be any worse that what i feel.

May 10, 2012
The day my life changed for the worse
by: Pat J.

Dear Marrisa,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom at such a young age. My mom passed away, it will be 36 years on June 25th. She died on June 25, 1976. My baby was only 3 months old. I was 29,married with 5 little children. My mom was not only my mom, she was aso my best friend. I still miss her and all the things we were not able to do together. I still am envious, when I see anyone with their mom, who is about the age my mom would be. She was 50 when she died. She would be 86, if she was alive.
Six years ago in April, I lost my dad,from a massive heart attack, he was 83. My husband and I found him sleeping in his recliner. He died the way he wanted to, at home.
Now to the present; it will be one year on June 27th, that my husband of 46 years died of a massive heart attack. He died the day after our 46th wedding anniversary, which was June 26th.
My mom died from breast cancer. She battled that disease from July of 1965 until June of 1976. She had numerous surgeries, years of remission, 7 to be exact. Then the cancer came back and she was given 3 months to live. She fought back for 3 and a half years. She died the day before my 11th wedding anniversary.
June 25, 26, and 27 are not going to be easy days for me, this year especially. Why my mom died the day before my anniversary and why my husband died the day after our anniversary, only God knows the answer to that one.
The death of my husband, has broken my heart and I feel a part of me died with him. I have the awful ache in my heart and I sometimes wonder where these tears come from. One minute fine and the next in tears. I know it is all a part of my grief. My life is forever changed, that statement is oh so true for all of us who have lost loved ones. Our lives are never the same. Many things changed after my mom died; also with the loss of dad, but with the loss of husband, what was once we, now is just me.
I have 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren. Yet. I still feel lost and alone alot. I too put on thi face and force this smile, but inside I am crying. I want my old life with my husband back. I have done alot of things with friends, but it's my husband I want. I am still earning to live each day without him.
You are strong, we all are. God Bless You and Keep You!

May 10, 2012
The day my life change for the worse
by: Robin J

I understand your grief. I lost my best friend (mom)4 years ago. I spent 2 1/2 years in the worst pain a person could ever imagine. I still miss her everyday and have times that I smell her, see her, hear her and long more then anything else to hold her but that pain I mentioned is gone. I do get very sad about a week before mothers day, her birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas and lastly the date of her death. However, I have moved past that relentless pain and so shall you one day. It is very true that each of us grieves at their own speed. Understand that you are not alone and continue to reach out to others who also continue to grieve as only these people can truly understand. Do not listen to those who tell you that you should be past it all. They do not know what they speak of. Have faith and hope as you will get better when it is time to be better.

May 10, 2012
by: Marti

Marissa, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person. My mom also passed in 2010. Some days it seems it gets harder instead of easier. I miss my mom sooo much and would give anything to have her back. My mom was in so much pain and I felt selfish for not wanting her to leave. But I am thankful that she is no longer trapped in her body as she was truly a prisoner in it. Our moms are still with us though we cannot see them. Look for the signs that she is sending you.

Sunday is Mothers Day. Hopefully we will be able to think of our moms and smile with very little tears.

May 10, 2012
Mother passing
by: Cookie

I don't know you but God does. I too just lost my mother one month ago. One day we was having dinner and laughing the next day she was rushed to the hospital and placed in ICU, the Dr. said mother lungs was completly gone (Pulmonary Fibrosis) she never told the family. Two week later my mama went to be with her maker, my sister and I is still trying to figure out how long, why Mother never told us, I trying to accept it, I know it was God's will but my Mama too was the back bone of the family, she was third oldest (81) the oldest is (85) still living and the second one (83) still living and eight sibling still living the baby of the family is 62, I guess you say that we have strong blood, but why my mama, everybody relied on her wisdom.

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