The day my life changed forever
January 27, 2013 I went to the grocery store to get soup for my kids who had the flu. As I was leaving I remembered my mom left me a message earlier that day asking if I could come visit for a little bit. So I decided to call her back on my way home and tell her I was sorry but I couldn't stop by my kids were sick. But when she answered the phone I could tell she was having trouble. She had several health issues and had for some time. She said she was having trouble breathing and couldn't find her inhaler. I was just two minutes away I said mom I'm right by your house I'm on my way and I'll find it for you. I got there and gave her inhaler she was short of breath I told her to just relax and try to take deep breaths. She had a device that measures your blood oxygen level ( she just recently had a problem with that) so I put it on her and was monitoring it. When it dipped down I said mom you need to go to the hospital she looked right at me and said no. So I told her I was calling dad and see what he thought she agreed. While on the phone her head went back and then she fell forward and collapsed to the floor. I hung up and immediately called 911. It took me a couple of minutes to get her in the position to perform CPR. I didn't want to hurt her so I was careful. Which now I regret because I wasted time. But I kept waiting for her to wake up and start yelling I was hurting her. It took the paramedics 9 minutes to get there. They worked on her for at least 40 minutes before transporting her to the hospital. When they arrived I called my dad and told him he needed to come home now!!! He arrived while they were still working on her. The paramedic told me not to hurry to the hospital he didn't want me to get in a wreck. He said they never got a heart beat and it didn't look good. I drove my dad to the hospital and almost immediately after arriving they took us in a room and informed us she had passed. I went and sat with her held her hand and laid my head on her chest. I've never seen my dad like that before. That night haunts me the look on her face as she collapsed. The fact that I didn't hurry as much as I could because I was worried about hurting her. It was just so sudden. I think that's what I'm having the most trouble with. You hear about it but can't even imagine. I'm just having a really hard time coping. It's all I can do to get through the day. May has always been a rough month for me nine years ago i had a baby girl that was still born. And with Mother's Day approaching I'm finding it almost to be unbearable. It's always on my mind I have trouble focusing. It seems like most people don't understand she was only 62 I feel as tho I had no warning didn't get to say goodbye. I'm only 32 and I still need her.