The day my life changed forever

by Candy

January 27, 2013 I went to the grocery store to get soup for my kids who had the flu. As I was leaving I remembered my mom left me a message earlier that day asking if I could come visit for a little bit. So I decided to call her back on my way home and tell her I was sorry but I couldn't stop by my kids were sick. But when she answered the phone I could tell she was having trouble. She had several health issues and had for some time. She said she was having trouble breathing and couldn't find her inhaler. I was just two minutes away I said mom I'm right by your house I'm on my way and I'll find it for you. I got there and gave her inhaler she was short of breath I told her to just relax and try to take deep breaths. She had a device that measures your blood oxygen level ( she just recently had a problem with that) so I put it on her and was monitoring it. When it dipped down I said mom you need to go to the hospital she looked right at me and said no. So I told her I was calling dad and see what he thought she agreed. While on the phone her head went back and then she fell forward and collapsed to the floor. I hung up and immediately called 911. It took me a couple of minutes to get her in the position to perform CPR. I didn't want to hurt her so I was careful. Which now I regret because I wasted time. But I kept waiting for her to wake up and start yelling I was hurting her. It took the paramedics 9 minutes to get there. They worked on her for at least 40 minutes before transporting her to the hospital. When they arrived I called my dad and told him he needed to come home now!!! He arrived while they were still working on her. The paramedic told me not to hurry to the hospital he didn't want me to get in a wreck. He said they never got a heart beat and it didn't look good. I drove my dad to the hospital and almost immediately after arriving they took us in a room and informed us she had passed. I went and sat with her held her hand and laid my head on her chest. I've never seen my dad like that before. That night haunts me the look on her face as she collapsed. The fact that I didn't hurry as much as I could because I was worried about hurting her. It was just so sudden. I think that's what I'm having the most trouble with. You hear about it but can't even imagine. I'm just having a really hard time coping. It's all I can do to get through the day. May has always been a rough month for me nine years ago i had a baby girl that was still born. And with Mother's Day approaching I'm finding it almost to be unbearable. It's always on my mind I have trouble focusing. It seems like most people don't understand she was only 62 I feel as tho I had no warning didn't get to say goodbye. I'm only 32 and I still need her.

Comments for The day my life changed forever

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Jun 12, 2013
I So Understand
by: Anonymous

Candy, I lost my mom on April 22, 2013. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks with pneumonia. At one point we thought she was getting better. I had went back to work. Then I received the call that she was back on a machine to make her breath not quite a ventilator. She was conscious but could not talk with the machine. The doctors recommended Hospice she was expected to last minutes to hours after being removed from the machine. They then said 48 hours. She was transported to Hospice House just a few blocks away. We stayed with her constantly I was not only grieving for her but or my father they would have been married 49 years in August, he would not leave her side. She lived for six day with no fluid or food because the fluid would make it worse. She was not in pain and slipped into a coma after the second day at Hospice. She had just turned 66 years old. I now have to try to help my healthy 68 year old father with his loss and deal with my own feeling. Could we have done more, did we make the right choice. Any of us would have given our right arms to save her.
I wish you all the comfort in the world as tears run down my face for both of them.

May 19, 2013
Your life change

Dear Candy,
I lost my Mom last year August 12, 2012, she was 85 years young and I felt the same way you feel now. I still have those devastating feelings. But I can tell you I am not a real religious person but I am very spiritual and I have prayed to God so much and I talk to my Mom all the time. I feel her presence constantly, believe me your Mom is there seeing everything and guiding you still to this day and everyday forward, JUST BELIEVE and you will know. Don't let yourself feel guilty just be blessed that you have all the great memories and she will see you and be there for all the great things in your life even though you don't see her you will feel she is there. God Bless you all

May 08, 2013
The day my life changed forever
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mom to a sudden death. You are in shock having to recusitate you mom. Not many of us would be able to do what you did. YOU WERE TRYING TO SAVE YOUR MOM. YOU DID. Because you were there. You didn't run home to look after your sick children. You made your Mom a priority. You didn't know she was going to die. But just being there you made her happy and she felt secure you were there. Someone was with her. You would have felt worse had you ignored that call and gone home. You were also fortunate that you were close to her home and not many miles away where it really would have made a difference.
You didn't waste time. You did what you had to do and because it failed you are feeling guilty that you couldn't save your mom. So you are looking inwards for failings in yourself. You didn't fail your mom.
Your dad will need all the support now your mom has died. Put all those energies into looking out for him and including him as much as you can. These are difficult days ahead for all of you. The feelings you have is normal grief and it shouldn't last long. But if it doesn't go and you still feel you did something wrong go and talk things over with a grief counsellor. You will soon get back to your old self. I lost my mom 10yrs. ago and I thought I wouldn't get over it. Looking back I don't think I grieved well for her loss. But I lost my husband of 44yrs. 1yrs. ago and I am now feeling the grief of losing my mom whilst at the same time grieving for a father dying slowly. My dad is 91yrs. He is ready to die. I will feel sad and will cry. But his age makes the difference. Mom died at 77yrs. also a good age and I thank God for this blessing. BUT. My beloved husband died at 65yrs. just 16days before his 66th birthday. So I do understand your sadness that your mom died at 62yrs. What puts things in perspective for me is by thinking of those children and teenagers sitting in a room having chemotherapy and then I thank God for the Years I had with my loved ones.

May 07, 2013
You did your best
by: Gary

Your mom was ill and from my first responder experience you did more than most. The suddenness of it all is a blessing and a curse. What I mean by that with all due respect is your grieving starts when they get a terminal diagnosis. The grief could last for years. Your mom's sudden death immediately put you into grief. Grief will take its path and you will think your happiness is over forever. You will get your life back and smile again you just have to ride out grief. Take care!

May 07, 2013
The day my life changed forever
by: Candy

I agree I am very thankful that she didn't suffer. I know that was best for her. And even as much as it hurts i wouldnt change it if i could. I'm thankful I never saw fear in her eyes knowing what was to come. Or see her worrying about the loved ones she would leave behind. This is what keeps me sane on the bad days. I am sorry about your dad. I also am having anxiety about losing others close to me.

May 07, 2013
I understand your pain
by: Diana y

I understand what you are going through I lost my daddy 12 days ago. The amount of sadness in my heart makes it feel like it has been more than 12 days. It was all of a sudden my dad went from perfectly fine to tired to very short of breath and passed away in the hospital. I always feel like I didn't say goodbye. The night he passed away I promised him to come early the next morning, but he didn't live to that. I do feel exactly like you, my life has changed completely and I will never be the same person again. I dream of him almost every night and I still need him. I'm 23 and he was is so unpredictable. Now I live with a fear of losing the people I love. I've grown up a lot now. But what can ease our pain is thinking that our parents did not suffer. They went to God easily, and we didn't have to suffer from seeing them hooked up to respirators and medication that keeps them alive. Atleast that's what comforts me a bit... But a loss is still a loss anyways.. I hope time can ease our pain..

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