The Day My World Stopped Moving 10-24-12

by Diana
(Athens, Ga)

My dad was my hero and he died suddenly on October 24, 2012. He was having neck pain and always passed it off as an old injury that wasn't getting better. My mom came home at lunch to go with him to his doctor's appointment and found him already dead in his recliner. He was only 62. He died of a blocked carotid artery that went unnoticed by 3
different doctors.
My struggle is that it still doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for him to call (we talked every day at 6:30 pm and sometimes 2-3 times more), I dread going home to my mommas because it hurts so much. I know life's not fair...but I feel so cheated and crushed with his being gone. My sole motivation in life was to make him proud and now I find myself struggling to redirect that motivation. I'm 31 years old and I feel like I should be handling this better. But I cry every night and my heart physically aches to talk to him or give him a hug.

I was very close to my dad. Our family was rare. We took family trips, loved spending time together he was very involved in mine and my brothers life. He was a caring, loving man and it feels so wrong that he isn't here.
When I am at work, I can set it aside for a bit. But at night at home, the grief is frightening and the fear of what has changed is suffocating. I have been told there is no timeline for this and sadly, I have been told that the feeling of disbelief will not go away. I guess I am writing this in hopes of finding help with moving forward. Like the rest of you, I feel absolutely lost.

Comments for The Day My World Stopped Moving 10-24-12

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Feb 12, 2013
Dear Diana
by: Anonymous

My dad died in 2011 March I think, I try not to remember, I think its the denial stage. I refused to visit the grave. I am also from a large close family, unique again family holidays, regular family dinners. Now that has all gone. Since Dad has died we have fallen apart and everyone seems o have ganged up on me (I am second from youngest) I used to be the strong one but now I am the weak one, I just find it hard to cope. Unfortunately I Iost my job and work for myself but most days I just turn on the TV. The tears hurt they prickle down my face like bits of barbed wire, its a pain I didnt know existed. I have no words of advice at all….. I am just glad that I am not the only one feeling this way. My Mum is still alive and I spend time with her but it is becoming more and more stressful as she seems to just unload stuff on me, not grief just stuff almost trying to get me to react all the time and it is exhausting. I have started counselling and it is helping. It is helping because I know I can go and see my counsellor and cry for 40mins and its ok, I don't have to feel guilty about her feelings. I would recommend it. Today I feel lonely and sad, lost and unloved. but tomorrow will bring different feelings, good or bad who knows, at least I will have a tomorrow.


Jan 03, 2013
Life isn't fair
by: Sandy

Dear Diana...I'm sorry for your sudden and unexpected loss....I too lost someone very near and dear to my heart unexpectedly and out of the blue. My husband, Ronnie, died of a massive heart attack while at work on 10-10-2012. I was so shocked and still am...the grief that I feel for him is at times undescribable. I have questioned myself about the hows and the whys and the what ifs a thousand times over since that day...I look back and see things so clear and bright as warning signs now that I just passed off as him getting older. My husband was only 58, he had high blood pressure and high cholesterol but it was carefully monitored every 3 months by our doctor...he complained to me the night before of shortness of breath but said he would just talk to the doctor about it on the 24th when he went for his check up...that never came to pass. I spend most of my days trying to figure out how this happened to me and how my life will ever pick up where it left off...and while I cry daily, sometimes nonstop from morning til night, I know that my life is never going to be the same. It can't Ronnie is forever gone..he was my partner, my bestfriend, my husband. I went from my fathers house to my husbands house...he taught me all the important life lessons, we shared our children, our life, our grief (we both have lost our parents during our marriage). We did everything together and now there is just ME...I feel as if part of my identity is gone...who am i now? Who am I without Ronnie? How am suppose to be? I met him when I was 20 years old...I grew up with him...the fear of being 44 and on my "own" for the very first time in my life is absolutely terrifying...our kids are daughter is 24, our boys are 21 and 19...I don't know what God's plan for me is but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and while I don't understnad why now or why me..I just want the pain of losing him to not smother me every single day...until that time comes I will continue to pray for peace for myself and everyone on here that is suffering as I am...may God ease your pain in the days, weeks, and months to come...



Jan 01, 2013
The day my World Stopped Moving 10/24/12
by: Doreen U.K.

Diana I am sorry for your loss of your Dad to a sudden death. It doesn't seem fair does it? Your father was so young at 62yrs. People are not always correct in the advice they give. You will one day move forward. You can't rush grief. It has a process and the healing from a death is slow. The first stage is shock and disbelief and this stage you will also move forward from. If you find you are stuck in grief then go and see a grief counsellor who will help you work through your loss. You will recover in time.
I lost my husband to cancer 8 months ago and he was 65yrs. He didn't get to enjoy any retirement and this is so unfair, what life chucks at us. Your mom will be in the same place as me. A wife's grief is different from a son or daughter's grief. Look out for your mom and if she is struggling then encourage her to see a grief counsellor. It is a very slow healing from a loss where someone has been married a long time. I was married for 44yrs. and my grief is so unbearable. When we los someone close our World does STOP. We don't know how we can quite go on in life. Each day ends and then another day starts and we do it all over again. Some people can move on faster than others. I hope life gets easier in time with supportive family and friends to help you through your grief.

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