The day my world stopped turning

by Gary Egge
(Las Vegas, NV USA)

They say love makes the world go around; well my world stopped turning on April 29th, 2011. That's the day my wife, Yong Sun died. We were married for 34 years and even after nine months I am just now learning to cope with the sorrow and loss. I never knew I could feel this bad for this long. Even though she had been sick for 15 years, I never contemplated life without her. I think I would best describe grief as shock on top of deep sorrow. The pain was so intense I was numb for the first nine weeks. I think the hardest part was I couldn't find someone to talk to that I knew would listen. I was uncomfortable sharing my pain with anyone I knew and men just don't share their feelings with other men. All I knew was it had to be a stranger and a woman. On July 4th I was introduced to a lady who was kind enough to listen and she allowed me to poor my feelings upon her. In order to cope, I needed to escape from the pain, even if it was only for a little while. Independence day will now have a special meaning for me; the day I was freed from my unbearable pain. I believe that God sent Jami for that sole purpose, to ease my pain. It was she who sent me some books on grief that have allowed me to continue to move forward. My world will never be the same, but at least it has started to turn again.

Comments for The day my world stopped turning

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Feb 03, 2012
by: Janet

I understand to a point of where you are. I am not there yet. Please know that you should feel no guilt. I know that we each have our own cross to bear and each one is different.
As I said before, I am here should you want to talk.
I am learning to deal with my grief even though it is not easy. Our friends are in Corozal, Belize and not here in the U.S. which makes it more difficult for me. Thankfully I am returning this summer for a two week to a month stay there to be with them. My friends here were all work related so that is of no help to me. I have one friend that I used to work with and we try to have lunch together once a month.
I have found that when you mention that you have lost your spouse that non of your former friends or co-workers wants to be around you or hear from you. That is a shame because they will eventually find themselves in the same place we both are or were. It is hard for me to deal some days with Jim's loss because it was so sudden. I would like to know that I can get to a point that I can talk about it without breaking down into tears.
My major problem is trying to move on with my life without feeling guilty. I know in my heart that is something he would want me to do at some point. I have made a friend on Facebook that has gone through this and she has helped me some. At least I have her number and call and talk to her on the really bad days.
I think they need to change the saying "Life's a bitch and then you die" to "Life's a bitch but grief is worse". May post that on my Facebook wall as it seems appropriate at this point in time. I am always available should you want to talk.

Feb 03, 2012
Your world will turn again.
by: Jami

That's beautiful Gary. You're a special man and joy and happiness will find you again someday. In the mean time, keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. I'm soooo glad this book and blog site is helping you. Had I known it would help so much, I would of done it sooner. ...but then again, maybe you weren't ready yet. Your world will turn again. Love you and bless you my friend. Jami

Feb 03, 2012
reply to Janet
by: Gary E

Thank you for your condolences. I'm glad you were able to spend six months with your husband retired before he died. I'm sorry that it couldn't have been for much longer. I on the other hand retired after my wife's death. She had been sick for fifteen years and her death freed me from having to keep insurance for her and the worry of having to take care of her. I feel guilty about that but I disliked my job for quite some time and retiring allowed me to travel a little and take my mind off of things. I'm still learning to cope with the loneliness, emptiness, and sadness. I miss her every day and I'm sure I always will.

Feb 02, 2012
So Sorry
by: Janet

My sincere condolences for your loss. I lost my husband three months ago. we had been married for 25 plus years. He was my first and I was his third. I understand where you are coming from and even I have trouble dealing with his death.
Mine unfortunaly is different than most because we were in Corozal Town, Belize Central America, where we had planned to retire and spend our lives together. I am thankful that I retired when I did because it gave me six months to be with him after I retired. I would not trade any of that time as it is very precious to me. I am here should you want to talk.

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