the death of my husband

My husband of 38 years....somehow started getting panic attacks..and felt he let people down, with jobs through his business, in our small town community. I tried to reason with him that he was over reacting...Things got worse and the Doctor put him on meds for depression. One month later...he was convinced he was going to prison for doing faulty plumbing work. He thought the feds were going to arrest him. One Sat. he hide all night with 27degrees outside..with no coat on. Only to end up commiting suicide, when 2 of the search party found him, hiding in a fence roll. He did it because he thought they seen him and he was captured. On his way to Prison...I could not convince him otherwise...My husband was only sick in his mind for 2 months prier to this. I can't believe this happened! For my husband was a upbeat, jolly man. Very well loved in the community! My life will never be the same! I miss him so much! He was the love of my life! There was no letter..this was not a planned suicide at all..I told the search party if they would please husband would come home..He was so scared! I have 2 sons and 5 grandkids who I now live for..But my heart is broken and I still think he's going to walk in that door. But life goes on...and God is helping me cope!

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Mar 29, 2012
It All Seems So Unfair.....
by: TrishJ

Oh my goodness. What a hand you have been dealt. Suicide is ugly but I feel the survivors suffer the most. As a nurse (and having gone through it with my husband) I know that sometimes anti depressants can make the depression worse and sometimes be the thing that triggers the suicide. Did his health provider explain that to him? I'm thinking probably not.
I for one believe that people who take their own lives have the opportunity to make things right with God. They do make it to heaven.
Please don't feel guilt and think there was something you could've or should've done. It sounds as if he was very paranoid. If he hadn't been successful that night he would have gotten the job done eventually.
You probably feel so helpless. It seems so unfair for you to be in the position you are forced to be in.
Take it slowly. Please...please don't beat yourself up.
I'm hoping for good things for you. If you feel like you can't do it alone don't be afraid to ask for help.

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