The death of my only child

by Sandy
(Las Vegas)

September 5, 2010, two long weeks ago, was the day my only child, a beautiful, intelligent, kind 32-year old named Holly, died from an overdose of heroin. She had been battling her addiction to drugs since she was 18 and was in rehab, for the past 9 months, at the time of her death.

Holly tried so hard to achieve the life that the rest of us are so lucky to have and often take for granted. This was her second attempt at rehab in the past 4 years. She had big plans and was taking steps to clear up her criminal past, seek employment, and, eventually, go back to school. Holly was especially looking forward to January, when her grandmother and I would attend her graduation from rehab. That's all gone now. Lost forever.

Part of me died the day she did. I'll never be able to come to grips with her death, especially since it could have been prevented. According to a homicide detective assigned to her case, she was in an apartment with other people when she injected the fatal dose. They admitted to the detective they knew she had overdosed and tried to walk her around, etc.

Instead of bringing her to the hospital, those addle-minded individuals that consider themselves human decided to "let her sleep it off". They found her dead the next morning, but still waited another three hours before dumping her body off in an emergency room lobby of a local hospital.

It ultimately was my daughter's responsibility. She injected herself. No one forced it on her, but to just let her die is something I will never be able to deal with. My only child is gone. Right now I can't imagine living the rest of my life without her. I will never be the same. No one around me understands. I'll never hear her voice again. I won't get 6 calls from her in one day. I won't hear her laugh. This is pain like no other.

Comments for The death of my only child

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Feb 12, 2014
lost my little angel
by: Anonymous

My little girl died from a brainstem tumor in 1997. The Hurt is as real yo me as it did then.My marriage fell apart my husband couldn't ta key my unhappiness anymore. My business failed when I couldn't go to work. I hope in time you will find happiness again.

Jan 19, 2014
Losing a child and no support system
by: Anonymous

I(we) lost my adult daughter. My husband and I have no family support or even close friends who care about or understand our grief. We still have a younger daughter who is just as grief stricken as we are in losing her sister. At Christmas, we try to celebrate with just the three of us but it's very difficult to feel the spirit of the season. People who have family support don't realize how fortunate they are. We are trying to move on and treasure what's left of our family. Our remaining daughter is single and never seems to be meet a nice guy to spend her life with. We have realized that we may never have a grandchild. It feels like the three of us were shipwrecked on a deserted island. We feel like it's a terrible burden for our remaining daughter to suddenly be an only child responsible for two aging adults.

Mar 22, 2013
Suicide of Only Child
by: Anonymous

My only child, my precious son committed suicide on the night before his 20th birthday. I had talked to him earlier that day and he seemed fine (he lived in another state). At around 1:30 am on his 20th birthday two Sheriff deputies showed up at my door and told my husband and I what happened. As many of you say I have changed since this happened. He passed on June 29, 2009. People say it gets easier as time goes by but for me it hasn't, it still feels like yesterday.

Almost 3 years later (May 2012) my husband had a massive heart attack (called the widowmaker) and passed away (we had no idea he had heart trouble). I have to say losing my child was the worst thing that has ever happened to me but losing my husband was a close second. It has brought all the pain back to the surface of losing my only child. It has almost been a year since my husband passed and it seems the closer it gets to a year the harder it gets. The holidays were horrible this year, I didn't want to be around anyone. Last week would have been mind and my husband's anniversary and I had a really rough week, uncontrollable crying and it has continued this week.

I cry every day several hours a day lately, i feel drained totally physically and mentally. I am told I need to find a way to get over it, does anyone have any ideas on how to just getting over losing your whole family? There is no way to just get over it and I am finding it does not get easier. I get through the days somehow but pray at night for God to take me to be with my family. I know that is selfish but it is so hard to just keep going.

I am sorry for all your losses, I hope it gets easier for you but for me every day is worse. Good luck and stay strong.

Jan 04, 2013
Death of my only child
by: Maddy

My only son who was 20 years old, was murdered on July 21, 2012. He was shot leaving a college party. My life will never be the same. I'm so lonely and in pain. It hurts to think that I will never be able to hold him or to hear his laughter or to see his beautiful smile. How I wish I had one more day with him just to tell him how much I love him. To all the parents who's lost a child - I know that you can relate to my grief and emptiness. I hold on to my faith and continue to pray that I will see him in heaven! May God bless you, keep you and heal you!

Dec 13, 2012
unbearable
by: Anonymous

Its been 3 months since my only child died. Senseless and preventable. I've joined a support group and I am starting therapy. I write to her every day. I find myself angry one moment, numb the next and crying out load the next. It seems the comments here exhibit a great deal of understanding and empathy. I look forward to finishing my work day so I can spend time alone, where she is the only one I can think of and focus on. Her life was extremely difficult, her illness cruel. She struggled every day. I need to hold on to my faith. Believe she is finally at peace from the havoic inside her mind. I don't expect to ever have closure. Someone gave me some excercises to feel her presence. Holding my hands open, close together but not touching. Closing my eyes and imagining one hand is her. It works. I see her at her happiest. Most peaceful. Beautiful.

Jul 20, 2012
The dead of my child
by: Anonymous

My only son was 1yr 6moths It was 1 in morning i left 2 work after returning from treatment an my son was responding well it was around 10:45 my phone rang i should come my son, suddenly i wept went home my son is gone, my only son now is as if am nt complete i dream of him every nite as if he is still alive

Jun 20, 2012
Lost my angel to breast cancer at age 31
by: Anonymous

She was just starting to enjoy life. She was traveling, happy about her future at the age of 28. Then Lisa was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
She never complained saying that this was God's will. She died at home with brain cancer. My life as I know it has changed forever. I think of her daily and pray to God that I might see her soon. You never can accept the lose of an only child.

Jun 11, 2012
Only child my precious son
by: Anonymous

I lost my precious and beautiful only child, ten days after you lost yours--September 15, 2010. That day will stay etched in my memory all of my life. I came to work like any other day until I received the call about 10:30am. I believe he died around 8:30 in the morning. I remember looking at my clock in the car as I neared work. I thought it was a normal day, but it was anything but. I lost him to prescription drugs. He died in his sleep. They kept me away from him for 4 hours outside of his house, he was 34 years old. His ashes were put to rest in LV, where his grandmother lives and I honor him in Red Rock Canyon where we hiked together when I can. There are no words. He was beautiful and everyone loved him.

Sometimes the joy of seeing him smile in a picture is overwhelming, and sometimes the grief is just as overwhelming. Sometimes I think I dreamed he was here with me, and sometimes I think I dreamed that I am without him now--that we his still with me. I am different now, as I am sure you are. He was my joy and now my sadness and I love him so. I have to believe I will see him some day in a happier place. Until then I will try to live my life with as much grace, honesty, and honor as I can.

I understand you as Mothers who have lost your child. We are in a unique club that we would have never chosen. I send my caring and love to you.


Mar 13, 2012
My son, my angel
by: Lisa t. Reynolds

I lost the love of my life, Thomas at the tender age of 13. Thomas never got a fair deal in life as he battled an ependymoma brain tumor for 11.years. Thomas was my only child and fought so hard to stay on this earth w his mommy. He was my idol. He was my absolute
hero. He fought bravely, without so much as a complaint. I am so proud of my little man. So proud that I could be his mom. He taught me how to love unconditionally, to give everything u have, to fight the fight w him, along side him. Holding his hand the whole way as he held my heart. I couldn't save him no matter what I did, I couldn't save him. If love meant anything in terms of longevity, Thomas would have lived until 100. I guess that's not how it works. I am left broken. I am left lonely. I am left without purpose. I love my baby!

Dec 17, 2010
I am so sorry for each one of us who have lost their child....
by: Kim

My only child was murdered 11/27/10 at 36 yrs of age. I feel like someone ripped out my gut and my heart. And yet, my life moves on. Thank goodness I too have a strong faith in God and His Only Son. But it still hurts..... especially now that Christmas is right around the corner.
My Mom died 16 years ago on Christmas Eve night and I and my family are finding that those scars have once again been ripped open. As I pray for you and your family, I ask that you pray for me and our family.
I like you have never felt such pain and loss. Please look after yourself.

Nov 12, 2010
I know the pain
by: Pat

I to just lost my son to suicide, he was 36 yrs. old he left behind 3 beautiful sons. We have 5 other children but each child is different and each have their own place in your heart. None of my other children will ever be able to fill the hole in heart. The pain is unbearable, I cry everyday, I miss him so much. The holidays are coming and what use to be happy and joyful I'm now dreading. Friends don't call anymore, I think their tired of hearing nothing has changed. What they don't realize is this has changed me forever, I will never be the same, life will never be the same. I am so sorry for your loss, I won't tell you it will get better. What I will tell you is this is a journey I wish none of us had to take.
May God watch over you. God bless

Nov 08, 2010
I understand
by: Linda

I am so sorry for your loss. I know each of us grieve differently, and that our relationships with our children are different from everyone else, but I do understand those feelings and emotions. I too lost my only child, a son, Nicklas, on October 27, 2010. He was 29 years old. It seems like the future that could have been will never be and my life has changed forever. There will be no grandchildren, no watching him grow old..........

Nov 08, 2010
death of my middle child
by: Cindy Melbourne florida

I just lost my son Oct.15th he was 29 and his birthday is nov.14th this Sunday. no toxicology reports yet but deep in my heart I know it was the prescription drugs that put him to sleep and never woke up. I have 3 children and the 2 boys are addicts and I could never imagine losing the only child.

I know in my heart that there was nothing I could have done to change him cause lord knows I have tried, And I am sure every parent out there has. But it's only up to them and it is very hard to get off of the pills. Rehab has been there for my son, as many times has cleaned up. But they need to get away from who they know and their old surroundings. I am living on a hope and prayer that my younger son continues on his path to sobriety.

I am so sorry for your loss, I feel you pain.

Sep 22, 2010
It truly is pain like no other
by: Anonymous

Dear Sandy,

I am so sorry for your loss. To be a mother of one child and then lose that child must be awful pain. There are no words to explain that pain. But I am a mom who lost a son to suicide 2 weeks before his 31st birthday and months after he graduated with his BA. We thought he had his life together the way he wanted it, but he must have been battling depression deep within himself for years. We never had answers, just questions. We don't understand the actions of others - why don't they help?

I am so sorry that those who knew your daughter was in crisis did nothing to help. I cannot know your pain, but there is one who does. It is God and He is my source of comfort and has been since my son died 5 years ago. There is no other way I would have survived. I offer Him to you as well. He has loving arms to hold you. Please let Him. I would love to stay in touch at my email. Please write if you like: impossiblejoy@yahoo.com. Gracie

Sep 20, 2010
I feel your loss!
by: Kim

I lost my son, Eric, six months ago. It was supposedly an accidental suicide. He and some of his friends had been drinking all day and someone got a gun out to play with. To make a long story short, he shot himself in the head. He had just turned 28 years old.

I am sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. It has been six months and it still seems like yesterday that I got the bad news. I miss my son every day and still can't understand the why's. Gods bless you and I am so sorry for your loss.

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