The empty spot... without my mom

by Rachel Stirling
(Canada)

memorial picture - Rita Wagner (March 1946 - May 2010)

memorial picture - Rita Wagner (March 1946 - May 2010)

On june 21st, 2010 at approximately 11pm I found out my mother had passed away... she died alone in her unit... it turns out she was probably dead for about a month before they found her... I was not notified, because her landlord, which I have always felt was an idiot, to put it mildly, had the wrong contact info, or so he says... I've been advised to never have contact with him...

anyway...

Here's how I found out... I was on vacation and went to her unit to let her know the time we would be picking her up to go see my brother, her son... I knocked on her door and with no answer I peeked in her window to find her place completely empty... I wondered what happened... was she in the hospital?... one of her neighbours then had to tell me the unfortunate news...

... that's the first day of my armaggedon... my life as I know it ended...

Comments for The empty spot... without my mom

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Aug 12, 2010
We can help each other
by: Gwen

Life without your mom will never be the same... I lost my mom to cancer last year and still find it sooo difficult to think of her and not cry. There have been times when i needed her soo much. I am told that things will get better and altho the gap left by her will never be refilled, different joys will surface. I promised my mom that we would live and celebrate her life.... I haven't reached there yet, but i have discovered a bunch of 'friends' who share something in common with me.... Our mommies aren't with us any more. But we can write and encourage each other until the day we can think or talk about our moms and smile instead of weep.....

Aug 07, 2010
page 2
by: Rachel Stirling

Okay. That was a bit melodramatic. I have discovered that my life as I knew it is indeed over. I have lost a lot in losing my mom. She was the center on my history. Mom was my fountain of knowledge. And most of all, mom was home. She was where I could run to hide when I could no longer deal with the world.

Everything is different now. I feel alone a lot. I wanted to scream the day my cat got hit by a car and I had to put her to sleep. It happened two and a half weeks after I found out about mom. I normally would have called her. The one person in all the world I wanted to talk to the most was no longer there. And since then, I've had many other similar situations that sadden me.

A good friend of mine just had a baby. It's been hard to be happy for her. At the hospital I realized that unlike my friend my mom would not be there to rub my back and comfort me if I ever had a baby. Mom won't be there for a lot of things now. Sometimes it is hard not feel abandoned.

It's not like I didn't think she would never leave me, but why now? Why now when I still need her so much. Why...

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