The end its near due to pancreatic cancer

by Mauricio
(Mexico)

Dad wasn't himself on Christmas eve, he wasn't drunk, he wasn't eating, he was tired, he dose of at 12 pm with out opening the presents or having our annual family photo, the days went on and on January 7th we took him to the Hospital, after a series of test and 3 days a friend doctor called from the hospital lobby at 12 am he said to me what I already feared.. "Mauricio your dad has pancreatic cancer and is already spread to the leaver"... Something broke inside me and my eyes started to drop little drops of water, he held me tight and told me.. "Be strong for your mother"... I was the first to receive the news I still had to tell my mother and brothers. This was one of my saddest nights I knew my father was on borrowed time (still praying for a miracle).

Its cruel to see somebody you love specially your father go through so many awful changes in such a short period of time, the best way to describe it is seeing a candle be consume after a period of time.

The lose of weight (hugging a skeletal figure, helping him take a bath a see him so week when you remember him so mighty and strong), The lose of appetite (When on Sundays or family events he was eating with such a passion for the food), The lose of strength (He use to carry you and you would fill like superman flying over his head, now he can't even stand up with out help), The lose of mobility (he thought you you to ride a bicycle, now you carry him on a wheelchair), The lose pride (remember when you where 5 and had to go to dad's room and say, I'm scare of the bathroom, he would pick you, take you and wait for you, even help you and hold you so you could learn how to properly aim to the toilet and not every where ;), and now you hold a pot and help him urinate in it, cause he can't walk)...

....God please me merciful and help me accept what is to come, the strength and patience to help dad in his final days or months or years....

On Monday 22 of April, Dad had and awful night so did mom and I, he was disoriented and incoherent even a little delusional, so the doctor order a new blood test, when the results came back he told us to make a choice either take him to the hospital or stay at home and be prepared for the worst, we decided to hospitalize him, more tests and blood work, more doctors, finally the dreadful news ... "Your dad has an infection and its on one of the metastasized cells so we have done every thing possible to make him comfortable, take him home and spend quality time with him..." I knew from day one the ending of this story but there is always a glimpse of hope that the chemotherapy will work, but when the oncologist finally tells you with such a certainty that he has done what its humanly and medically possible then the truth sinks inn like a paper cut (its simple, fast, accurate and it stills hurts like a mother *u**r).

Today April 26 I was in the hospital with my father, seeing him with a catheter, skeletal figure, swollen tummy, yellow eyes, and in a hospital gown a sadness overcomes me, my sister is here with me I can see sadness in her eyes as well, I help her feed dad, brush his teeth, wash his hands, put cream in his swollen feet and hands and use some perfume so he can fill clean and better. He is he, but some how he is gone, doctors are leveling his sodium levels, this seems to be the cause of the absent mind.. When he is lucid he tells us he loves us so much and now my sister stars crying and I do as well.

As I said goodbye to my dad, cause my other brother was going to stay with him, I sensed that he had already seen all his sons and spent time with them in the hospital, his breathing became harsh and heavy, he said repeatedly, ..."when is it going to end, when is it going to end God" somehow I think he is ready, but I am selfish i want to spend more time with him, I don't want God to take him yet, its silly you hear every body saying take advantage of your father every day, yet sometimes you forget to call him or visit him.. so human of me...

...God grant me peace of mind and heart if you decide to take him, teach me to forgive him for any did he may have done to me and forgive me for any trespass i may have done to him...

Dad I haven't given up on you, I know you are still a life, these words are mere instruments to help me quiet my mind and heart so I can aid you better on your lasts days and if by any chance God decides to take you tonight I Know I already said my peace to you and share my love to you as I watched you sleep, curse, shout, eat and as I hold your hand I told you how grateful I was for everything you did for me and you hold my hand tighter and told me you loved me.

If any body has questions regarding pancreatic cancer and if i am able to answer them feel free to contact me email. maurtz@hotmail.com

Comments for The end its near due to pancreatic cancer

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Apr 26, 2013
Thanks for your kind words love to all
by: Mauricio

Namaste, om shanti, shanti to all of you...

Apr 26, 2013
The end its near due to pancreatic cancer
by: Doreen U.K.

Mauricio I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious father to this horrible disease of cancer. Cancer is destroying more and more amilies each day.
I lost my husband to Lung Cancer almost 1yr. ago. He died a slow death over 3yrs.39days I nursed him at home till the end. He wanted to die at home. I granted his wish even though the medical services wanted him to go the hospice. They only had him one week. My husband's cancer grew in his lungs for 40yrs. He was 22yrs. of age when this started. he cut asbestos in his line of work as a carpenter and the fibres lodged in his lungs. His cancer was terminal. I understand your story so well.
My husband as a young man was a body builder and had a good strong body. With the cancer it destroyed him. He lost all his body weight and was a shell. He couldn't eat. This was hard since he was a good cook. He loved cooking and was a good cook. It was a painful cancer journey. I bathed him, massaged his feet and his body to make him more comfortable. I made myself strong enough to lift him up to go on the toilet. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I wanted to change places with him and die in his place. I know how you feel and what you had to do and went through for your Dad.
I am only now feeling my grief and my heart hurts so much.
I hope your mother can cope with the loss of her husband as it will be a long hard road for her. You all as a family must be supportive to each other. This is so important in order to get through your grief. May God comfort you all and bring you Peace and Healing from your loss.

Apr 26, 2013
The End
by: Anonymous

My husband I had were on his finale journey in 2012 in June. We had fought a pitch and run battle with his health from our first meeting in 1986. We were told so many times that he had 2 years then 10 years but that battle was lost in 2012 Sept on my birthday. From Sept 2011 to Sept 2012 we waged a finale war. I watched a man that never backed down asking no more surgery no more intervention's. Let me pass in my home surround by those who love me. That is the coarser we choose. I watched a man lose weight, thinking, reasoning and him self. Lack of oxygen robbed his brain and his ability to talk with us. I would bath him. feed him and do all the things he needed. In the end he slip away peaceful in my arms. His three children still are walking the path of grief as I am. There are no answers just the love we share. Walk this grift path as many are. Be true to your self. Times of anger and other feeling will be part of it. Be strong and remember your dad and all he was. Blessings

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