The F word

by Hope
(Tappahannock VA)

To have Loved and lost

To have Loved and lost

The F word or more precisely FEBRUARY 14th. The day of Love. Painful reminders of the Love we once had. As I walk through the stores and hearts bomb my vision. I recall How Paul would run out Valentines morning trying to buy some flowers, usually (leftover) wilted ones with pedals that fell to the counter as I put them in the vase. It is not that he loved me any less, He was a working Man and rarely had off on the day of Love.

He would take the time to get the cutest cards and call me his sweetheart. And as I walk through the stores I am so very grateful that I no longer want to pop the balloons and destroy the displays as I once did. The fury from within, How Dare ANY ONE be able to Love when My Love is GONE!

I in fact and able to bare the holidays much easier as time passes, something I never though possible. It is now My Life instead of Our Life. It will always sting a bit. But I am thankful for the time and the Love that we shared. Anger,resentment,jelousy (sp) feeling that everyone seemed to have what I had lost ruled my life. I am glad that I have been able to shed those negative feelings for the most part.

So as the day of Love creeps up upon us once more I hope that the memories bring you a smile of what you were so very lucky to have had. Until then steer clear of the red and pink displays.
HH

Comments for The F word

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Jan 24, 2012
The F month
by: Judith in California

Hope, you certainly know how to get our attention . Lol.

I still can't look at your loving picture without crying it so reminds me of how Chuck and I were. Wow!

Yes, V-Day is nearing and the 14th has new meaning to me for it will be the 15th month exactly of Chuck's passing.

I'm glad you are doing better and have come to a more peaceful place. It means our prayers are working. I too am a bit more peaceful too and I will go over the cards Chuck gave me and feel his love through them once again.

Take care Hope and come back to visit us.

Jan 24, 2012
Big Hearts
by: TrishJ

Hope~
I have every card that Joe ever gave me. He would actually stand and look at cards for at least 1/2 hour until he found the one with words he really wanted to say. Last year I spent Valentine's day looking at the cards and sobbing. I don't think I'll do that this year. I have to wait until the day gets here but I know it was a terrible day last year.
I have a hard time looking at happy couples. It hurts to know what I've lost. I have a friend who has never had love in her life, she's married to her career. Sometimes I wonder if she's better off. Most days though, I don't think so. We were blessed. All of us. That's for sure.
God bless. I'm so glad you are doing better and continuing to do so.
PJ

Jan 23, 2012
hideous displays of affection
by:

Zoe,

Pop 5 of em, cheaper than therapy and if feels good to let it all out. Thinking of you and all of my co widows...
Hope

Jan 23, 2012
the F word
by: Pat J.

Hope,
Talk about Valentines'Day; going through drawers, I came upon a bunch of cards I have received. In them was the Valentine card I received from m husband last year. Tears welled up in my eyes, reminding me I will never ever get a card from him again. I am so grateful though, that I have this one and will always cherish it, as I will always cherish the love we shared.
Death has taken him physically away from me. June 27,2011. We were married 46 years on June 26,2011. I have memories and NO CAN TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME. We all have this emptiness and I for one am so envious of couples. I also realize I had the love of my life and I will go on with his memory. Red will always live with me in my heart. One day at a time.

Jan 23, 2012
The F word
by: M Mack

Hope,

I share your sentiment of Valentines Day. Here we are, on a lovey dovey holiday, everyone wearing RED.......Ill wear black thank you. I got the same wilted flowers and sometimes his pen ran out while he'd write a note. He was also a hard working man and the card was certainly written in the cold ouside somewhere. I was always called "sweetheart" and "honey" and I so miss everything about him. Today is 18 months and every 23rd I crawl in a hole, not by choice. As you and many others, I try the normal even though the dull ache in my heart lives there. I know I'm better but never will have that love lost. He was one of a kind, my gentile giant. Best wishes and a lot of hope for us to move through life. We were lucky to have what we don't have with us today.


Jan 23, 2012
The F word
by: jules

Hope - I have checking this site lately, and have noticed that all of us who came on around the same time, are in sort of the same stage.

We are living our lives, the sting is gone a little bit - I know that I will miss John every day of my life - but I know that I have to live my life the best way I can.

It is good to see you so positive - and the others as well.
Every day - one step, one breath
take care
jules

Jan 22, 2012
The F word
by: Zoe

I STILL want to pop Balloons

But I am glad you are feeling better

Z

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