the fairytale love affair

by fiona

I'm from the uk. I came here for a 2 week vacation & met the love of my life. 6 months later we were married - id relocated and expected my children to join us. Shock- it took 2 years for immigration. By this time my daughter didn't want to relocate but my son did. My husband was so critical of everything and refused to help with things for my son saying he already had a father (5000 miles away) we moved to colorado where my husband had a meltdown for 5 months and ignored me. I was so hurt. We were living in a 32' rv. The plan was to goto Page for the summer & then phoenix so we cd make a living. He found a job in page but it wd not have supported us, so I moved to phoenix with my son. I was so hurt that he just let me do this on my own. He chilled in Page, didn't make the $ he thought he would. All my friends r up there & no-one asked how we were. I have one friend who I talk to about once a month and that's it. My boyfriend wants to move in together - I don't even know if I want to get bk with my husband.I feel like I have no self-esteem, no worth, strugglin with my son (who just got caught with weed!)my world has turned upside down and I don't know what way I want it? My husband is the only guy I've ever found sexy in 44 years! Should I just walk away? He is terrible with money and "owes" me thousands but shouldn't money be fluid? My boyfriend is the same starsign, has similar characteristics and adores the heckk outta me.I'm hoping for some advice as I have no friends to talk to. I'm sick of crying my eyes out and feeling like my heart is breaking every night. I've always followd my heart but this is where its landed me and I'm so leery now - if I follow my heart I go back to my hubby, if I follow sense, I stay with my boyfriend!(who knows all about hubby)

Comments for the fairytale love affair

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Jul 28, 2012
The fairytale love affair
by: Doreen U.K.

Fiona I am sorry you are in a terribly hard place just now of indecision. I live in the U.K. Wouldn't you like to take a holiday back to the U.K. and distance yourself from the situation for a while? being thousands of miles away may help you make the right decision. You could also try a counsellor who could see the bigger picture of where you are at. That way you would make the right decision. Counselling would allow you to see all your options. It may also throw up other problems you may not have thought of, which could be causing a blockage in trying to make the right decision. Whichever CHOICE you make you would have to live with. If you went back to your husband would he accept you back without questions? When we marry for better or worse. Do we walk away when it gets worse? Are we able to live with the worse? Is life so unbearable that you can't go back? Will what caused you to walk away improve without counselling? Put many questions on paper. try to answer them honestly.
this will help you make a decision. Make sure it is the right one. Do the same for the boyfriend.
The decision you make is the one you have to live with. No going back and forwards. This will affect your self-esteem. If you went into counselling first before you made a decision you would build up your self-esteem first and then you may be able to make a better decision. Relationship difficulties cause one to lose self-esteem. Loss of self esteem present before can also cause one to not be able to stay in a relationship.
I had self-esteem issues for years. passed them on to my children in the form of lack of confidence. Counselling changed me. I then went on to build others up. Even my husband who didn't believe in counselling and had self-esteem issues that I could not change. I LOVED HIM TO THE GRAVE. He died 11 weeks ago today. We were married 44years. NO REGRETS. I hope this helps. You can email me further if you want Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

Jul 27, 2012
No FairyTale
by: Judith in California

Please do not do anything yet. You must get yourself together and follow common sense. Your life is worth more than what you have settled for. Please see what you can do for yourself now. Don't rely on a man to give you what you need. HE can't give you self esteem or make you feel deserving of kindness, respect and dignity. Do not ever get involved with or go back to a man who would treat you less. Refuse to be treated in any way but respectfully. And no man will ever love your children. You must stand up for them as well and demand they be treated with respect also and they should respect themselves. You Mom must teach them that.

good luck.

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