The first man who loved me died.

by kay

I found out a few months ago the man I dated for over 3 years as a teenager had passes away over 4 years ago. He and I had an on and off again relationship due to my constant moving from Michigan to Ohio to Texas because my parents were divorced. During all of this, every time I visited my dad I would call this man. When I returned to my mother permanently I wrote to him but he wrote back and said he had moved on. I accepted that and moved on too. 2 months later he writes to tell me he wants to marry me and if I said yes he would send me 2 tickets( one for me and my mom since I wasn't 18 yet).. by the time I got proposed to I was seeing another man who I married a year later. I feel awful that I never responded to this man ..I felt he was on a rebound and I was afraid of what that meant for a relationship. On one of my moves I lost his class ring and never got to tell him I was sorry. I looked him up just out of curiosity and thats when I discovered he had passed away. I dont know why but I have been grieving terribly gor him and it confuses me because I have been happily married for 27 years now and also He was married and had children. I did send a letter to him wife offering sympathy. And I hold my husband and tell him that had I had married the other guy I would have been a widow at age 39. But I dont want to feel like the lucky one when I know his family aches for him. I always thought I would see him again, I did love him and he did well in his life and because of coming from a broken home I feel I may not have been the right one for him. God chose my husband and let me meet him right before I got the proposal..sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision and I will never know if I broke his heart or if my lifes choice would have kept him alive longer. There are many coincidenses and similarities with his and my hubbys life like career choices, health problems, and many more. I really wish I had had the opportunity to have said hoodbye to him.

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Aug 03, 2014
The same thing happened to me.
by: K.B.

I had the same thing happen to me today. I was randomly searching for old friends from my teenage years on the internet and found out an old boyfriend of mine had died at the beginning of this year. He and I dated for almost 2 and a half years (an eternity when one is that young) right after I graduated from high school. He was my first love. Even though I had previous boyfriends, this was my first serious relationship. He had a fear of commitment and eventually ended things because I think he believed that I wanted to get married or something. And I don't know if he ever got over that, because the obituary didn't mention a wife or kids. Anyway, I eventually moved to another state and have been married for 23 years now.

Even though I haven't seen him in over 20 years, this still hit me hard and I started to get very sad. I think the hardest part is that he was only a year older than me and it's very unsettling and made me think of my own mortality. I also had the same thought as you, that had things been different, I would be a widow now. Also, this is the first person who I was really close to that has died (other than grandparents) and it kind of leaves an emptiness and I feel silly saying that since I hadn't seen him in so long, and now I know that I will never see him again. Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I just wanted to get my feelings out and to say that I understand exactly how you felt when this happened to you.

Apr 08, 2013
The first man who me died.
by: Doreen U.K.

Kay it is human nature to WONDER WHY? IF? But for you having been married for 27yrs. You are Blessed.
If you had married this other man from your past who knows what might have happened? You may not have stayed married? you may have divorced? etc. Your lives took you both off in different directions. You later did just that. Married and had a family. Something in his life may have triggered off a feeling or emotion from the past that caused him to contact you.
There is no harm in feeling relieved you were not married to him and been a widow at age 39yrs when he died. this is a human response. But you still have the empathy and kindness to respond with sympathy that his wife lost her husband at a young age.
There will always be regrets in life. We all have them.
Through counselling I learned early in life to write my regrets in sand and my triumphs and achievements in concrete. We have to build ourselves up in a positive way. We are responsible for caring for our families and this is what they need. A Concrete, reliable, focused, and positive person who will keep the family grounded, safe, and happy. I am sure you have fulfilled your task here as a wife and mother. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 11months ago to a deadly cancer and I am PINING for him every day. Hold your husband tight and make the best of every day because none of us knows when we will lose the closest loved one from our lives. I am now facing retirement ALONE. But I have no regrets in Loving the man I met and married 44yrs. ago. No other person could sway me or confuse me from marrying him and loving him with all my heart till he died. My song to him was. "MY WORLD BEGINS. AND ENDS WITH YOU." It did and this is how I will live the rest of my life. LOVING THE MAN I LOST. FOREVER.
Thank You for sharing your story. It was good reading and many positive comments that can make us all think and take stock of our lives.

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