The first man who loved me died.
I found out a few months ago the man I dated for over 3 years as a teenager had passes away over 4 years ago. He and I had an on and off again relationship due to my constant moving from Michigan to Ohio to Texas because my parents were divorced. During all of this, every time I visited my dad I would call this man. When I returned to my mother permanently I wrote to him but he wrote back and said he had moved on. I accepted that and moved on too. 2 months later he writes to tell me he wants to marry me and if I said yes he would send me 2 tickets( one for me and my mom since I wasn't 18 yet).. by the time I got proposed to I was seeing another man who I married a year later. I feel awful that I never responded to this man ..I felt he was on a rebound and I was afraid of what that meant for a relationship. On one of my moves I lost his class ring and never got to tell him I was sorry. I looked him up just out of curiosity and thats when I discovered he had passed away. I dont know why but I have been grieving terribly gor him and it confuses me because I have been happily married for 27 years now and also He was married and had children. I did send a letter to him wife offering sympathy. And I hold my husband and tell him that had I had married the other guy I would have been a widow at age 39. But I dont want to feel like the lucky one when I know his family aches for him. I always thought I would see him again, I did love him and he did well in his life and because of coming from a broken home I feel I may not have been the right one for him. God chose my husband and let me meet him right before I got the proposal..sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision and I will never know if I broke his heart or if my lifes choice would have kept him alive longer. There are many coincidenses and similarities with his and my hubbys life like career choices, health problems, and many more. I really wish I had had the opportunity to have said hoodbye to him.