The Grandmother I thought I knew...

My grandmother was my best friend growing up, she was my world. Even into my twenties and when I got married we were terribly close. She changed after my grandfather died and became a little more selfish and concerned with money, material and status. This changed how others viewed her including myself. She was so generous all of my life so I overlooked her quirky ways.

About 3 years ago diabetes caused her to lose both of her legs, it was her decision to stay in her home with the support of another family member. Being 93 and being so disabled and alone was not how I wanted my grandmother to live. This caused a huge rift in our relationship due to the influence others had on her. It was hard seeing her be alone but did not want to enable or be party to this. In the end she lived alone until she died.

Her funeral is scheduled in 2 weeks, she has said nothing but bad things about my family for the past 3 years. My aunt is spiteful towards my mother and the rest of our family for not helping or stepping in. There are so many regrets and missed opportunities in our situation, I only regret not reaching out to her sooner. I often would go by and see her house or call to hear her voice but then hang up. I have driven by each day since her passing, I so miss the wonderful times we used to have. She was a very generous woman and loving in her younger years.

Her passing has and will leave a huge void in my life, the words and hugs not shared makes this awful. I dont know if I can face the others at her funeral, their will be much ridicule sent my way. I feel like I should go to take the punishment of the last 3 years. It sounds so awful now. She had unkind words to say many times and asked us to go when we did see her. I hope she is at peace with my wonderful grandfather in heaven. I miss them both so much, I hope they can see me and know the grief I have is so great.

I hope to find love, happiness and closure.

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