The half that made me whole: Francis P. Holt 12/06/09

by Hope M. Holt
(Tppahannock VA)

The Half that made me whole died 12/06/09, a mere month ago. Instead of getting easier, it is getting harder. The grief overwhelms me at times, sometimes a visual reminder or a simple chore. Especially making the bed that we shared for 17 years.

I tell myself to be gratefull that we had an entire year after the surgery for an aneurysm(9/09/08) and stroke that followed. I cannot concentrate on the simplest of tasks, and feel that I must get it together to raise our 11 year old. He is resiliant I suppose, and healing.

I cannot stand noise, get startled easily, I don't care for crowded places and just want to get home. Initially numb, I yearn for that feeling. The pain feels unbearable. Sure I was going crazy, this site has helped tremendously.

My father Don O. McCauley also died this year Jan. 20/09, making me an orphan and a widow within the same year. Oh, 7 stages of grief, progress; as this pain is like nothing I have ever felt. I miss you my Love. You were the love story that made my life magic.

Hope M. Holt

Comments for The half that made me whole: Francis P. Holt 12/06/09

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Mar 13, 2010
Traumatic for us, Good for them.
by: Anonymous

So sorry to hear about your two large losses in such a close period of time. Trauma is something that happened to me too when I was just there to help my husband get to the ground. My dog woke me up by barking when he was calling me from the next room. I got to him just in time to help him to the floor as he was leaning on a piece of furniture. I also gave him CPR, turned him around when I thought he'd drown in his own water coming out of his mouth. I am sure he died when he tried to turn around to look at me. I called 911 right after that. I could not leave his side before that. Kate

Jan 11, 2010
2 Great Men
by: Down Under

Hope, my condolences on the loss of 2 great men in your life. And yes, I agree with you, it does get harder with time, I just hope it eventually gets easier as they all keep saying. I lost my father to an aneurysm in Aug 09.

Just try keeping the happy times alive in your heart and thoughts, and do not repress any feelings you have. This site has helped me with expressing my thoughts and then being able to respond to others has in a way helped also. I wish you all the best and comfort for the years to come Hope. xo

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