The joys of having a teenager...

by Hope
(Tappy Happy)

4/21/2012
I need to vent and this is a good a place as any. I have a special needs child. He has high functioning Autism or as it is know Aspergers. Now I have been though 4 kids teen years and it is no surprise how frustrating those years can be.

That in it self would have me missing Paul. But a grieving teen with Aspergers?!! Oh la la I think I am loosing my mind.

We went to a ball game today, the Flying Squirrels won. All seemed well, we went to Popeye's to get some fried chicken. Still a good day thus far. But when he did not get a rated- M game that he wanted from Best Buy. Things began to rapidly fall apart.

Sounds like a bratty kid right? Well Aspergers obsess on things and topics to the point it is difficult to have a 2 sided conversation with them. Non verbal social skills must be taught.

And though this is not intended to be a lesson on my special needs child. It is these episodes that really remind me how much I miss Paul and am so damned tired of being both parents. I am going to take some Autism classes this summer and hope to catch up on my knowledge to be a better parent and catch things before they get escalate.

Man I am soooooo tired. I miss My Honey...
HH

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Apr 27, 2013
Double roles
by: Judy

Hope,

I have been reading lately and not commenting since we are so far along in grief that we are supposed to be ok. Actually I stopped commenting when someone said three years was a "long time". In grief it's not long at all as you and I and many others know.

I can totally understand your feelings since I also raised a special needs child (ADD and hyperactive)alone through the teen years.

I remember well the battles with the school system, his total lack of social graces and the consequences of that, being asked to leave one school after another, cowering in embarrassment when I had to drop him off at school in full punk attire. The good news: he's 32 now, has supported himself since he was 18 and is a funny, loving lovable person. Hang on-they hear what we say and take it in even though they never admit it.

My point in writing though is to say that we miss our lost darlings the most in everyday situations. Someone to talk things over with, someone to hear the frustration, someone to remind you that you are a good mom, someone to say you're right we need a new car, new roof or whatever. Someone to deal with the mechanic since he is speaking in a foreign tongue. Someone to change the light bulbs and to help me turn the mattress over without having it end up on top of me. Someone who can be home when the bug man comes at 4pm and I get off at 5:30pm.

We are not dads and we never will be. But you are an experienced mother of teens, smart and caring. You son knows all this deep down inside and he will carry that with him through this rocky period.

Hang in there Hope. You can do it.








Apr 22, 2013
The joys of having a teenager.....
by: Doreen U.K.

Hope I am so very sorry for your loss of Paul and having to be both parents. Rearing normal teenager's is challenging but Having a mentally and emotionally challenged child is even more difficult. My Sister's grandson has Asberger's and had difficulty in schooling and was seen as a disruptive child. He has had a struggle all his young life as he also has Epilepsy. He is in and out of hospital. He is now 18yrs. and just wants to be normal. Have a job. Drive a car, and do all the things normal teenager's do. BUT HE CAN'T. His life is limited. Due to a lifetime of this difficulty his parent's marriage broke up. His dad is seriously ill. He lives in a lonely bubble. My heart breaks for him. My sister is upset all the time over him and rescues him a lot of the time. BUT. There is only so much a person can do. This Difficulty manifests itself and come what may a parent just has to learn to live with it when she wants to scream out for "HELP". My heart goes out to YOU because you are doing it on your own. You are also grieving for the loss of your partner Paul.
You are being Wise to learn all you can about autism. You don't have a choice as you are stuck with this teenager with challenging behaviour.
Try having time for yourself. See a counsellor to talk things out with so you are not so alone with this problem. Also get other supportive organisations to help you with education, and learning skills that will make your job as a mother easier. It is not easy. All a mother can see is the problem in front of her that she has to handle all alone and it feels like a mountain to climb. Try and do this one pace at a time. Don't overstretch yourself into a breakdown doing it all by yourself. I wish you every success with what you hope to learn and make better in your life and that of your children/family. May you be supported well and receive the help you need.

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