The lady I loved

by deidra

On Oct 3rd 2012 at 8:40pm I lost the one woman who loved me unconditionally to pancreatic cancer.We found out in May that she had this terrible disease ,pancreatic cancer is the worst disease because within 6 mos I watched my mom go down hill.I was at her bedside when she took her last breath and it hurt me to my heart to watch her go through the pain that she went through Im glad that she is no longer in pain but I would give anything to have her here with me but I guess thats the selfishness in me, I miss her so much it has only been a week in half I miss my mom Brenda she was only 58 yrs old but she had a great life 3 kids and 3 grandkids and plenty of nieces and nephews who loved her dearly.

Comments for The lady I loved

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Nov 13, 2012
Not selfish but longing and ache...
by: Anonymous

In desperation, as I miss my mother who left on October, 22, 2012, I would give anything in this world to see my mother again, even for just a moment. You, nor I, are selfish. We miss our mothers to the depths of our hearts. We feel it. can't be helped.

Oct 20, 2012
My Mother ....... My Lifeline
by: Doreen U.K.

Natasha I am sorry for your loss of your mother at such a young age. The lonliness is terrible. I always FEARED LONLINESS. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 5 months ago to cancer and My Fears are here. I had 6 for dinner at the weekend. Now it is only me. I have lost 5 people from my dinner table. I sit ALONE. I eat ALONE.
I am THANKFULL to you for telling your story. You see I have 2 sisters who are on METHOTREXATE for Rheumatoid Arthritis and also Fibromyalgia. I am not happy they are on this drug. I have Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis and I just take the Herbal Remedies like Glucosamine 1500mg. and cod liver oil capsules. I still suffer stiffness and pain but nothing like my 2 sisters. I really FEAR for their lives now because this DRUG is a horrendous one. If my youngest sister came of the Methotrexate she would not be able to do anything. She has got her quality of life back so I think she is going to stay on methotrexate. But my other sister is going to see her doctor and come of this. I don't want to lose my sisters to this drug. Rheumatoid Arthritis is a horrible illness to live with. But it is not like cancer where it limits a person's life. The drugs out there are SCARY. Thank you for your post. I am sorry for your loss. But you just may have saved other lives as a result of you telling your story.
I hope that Life is kind to you and that you have loving supportive people at this difficult time and that You will be Comforted in your Grief.

Oct 20, 2012
My Mother.. My Lifeline
by: Natasha

I lost my mother (53 yrs) on 7th October, 2012 to "Interstitial lung disease (ILD" caused by toxicity of the steroid Methotrexate that she was taking for her Rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Mom was first diagnosed with breathlessness on 18th July, 2012 and was admitted into the ICU for 7 days. She came back home healthy and we thought the worst is over. She started loosing weight (18 kgs) we got her readmitted and she was again doing well at the hospital. We got her home after 13 days on 28th Sept,2012. What a lovely day that was we had redone her room and her sis and niece had come down from overseas to see her. We had a good lunch together. And then tragedy struck the same day at around 7pm. Mom's oxygen levels dipped and she was delirious.. We rushed her in an ambulance to the hospital. From that day till 7th October, 2012 she was on the ventilator and sedated. She died very peacefully with my 2 paternal aunts by her side (i lost my dad when i was 16 and i have no siblings. My dad has 3 sisters who have looked after me as their own)

Its just been 2 weeks and fear of being totally alone is so frightening. I feel Mom should have been around to see me getting married, hold my baby... She was too young to die..

Oct 19, 2012
Lost of my most lovable person in the world
by: Binish James

My mother Jessy James passed away on September 3rd 2012.She had a heart valve replacement surgery before 5 years.She was only 47.I do not think I can like any other person in this world like my Mother.
I miss her a lot with severe pain in my heart...

Oct 16, 2012
a lot in common
by: Sarah

My mom was diagnosed in june and just passed away on friday. I too watched her suffer. I too sat next to her as she rook her last breaths. She was only 54. Life is too short. I hope you are finding strength as I am trying to. Reading someone else's story so similar to mine helped me. Thank you for sharing.

Oct 16, 2012
We are in the same hard place :(
by: Judy

My mama is also aged 58, she was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last may and I just went to see her this weekend. I held her hands while she slept, she can't walk or get out of bed, she has lost over 80lbs, she doesn't eat more then a few bites and she has a lot of pain daily. I was hoping she would pass while I was there so that she wouldn't suffer anymore :( It is such a devastating disease! My mama also has 2 kids and 6 grandchildren!! I am praying that moms cancer will end soon and she can be at peace like your mom :( Cancer SUCKS!

Oct 15, 2012
The Lady I Loved
by: Doreen U.K.

Deidra I am sorry for your loss of your mother to cancer. It is a devastating disease. My husband of 44yrs. died 5 months ago of lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. I nursed him for over 3yrs. and had to watch him die slowly of this terrible disease. I wish he was still here without cancer and the pain he went through. I would never want him back with cancer. To see someone die slowly before your eyes and you can do nothing to cure them is just the worst experience. The whole family have the cancer the person with the cancer has the pain. We have the pain after they have gone.
I feel that I am having the slow death now. In England where I live they have so many charities doing walks and choirs to raise money for cancer. It is amazing to hear the attitude of some people with cancer who go out and continue to live life to the full and get the most of what they can out of the little life they may have left to live.
I am not able to climb out of my pit of grief and go and LIVE. Should I feel guilty about this? I didn't plan to be like this. Something has happened to us that we cannot live well right now. Life has stopped. Living with a physical illness is easier to cope with than going through the emotional and mental turmoil of the illness of cancer and how it is affecting the family, and then the loss of our loved one.

Oct 15, 2012
I understand
by: Donna

I am sorry for your loss. I have been nearly 8 years without my Mom who died within 9 weeks of her diagnosis of lung cancer at age 62. You will have moments where grief will overwhelm you and you need to let it out. I would tell my husband I was having a "Mom moment" and then he didn't feel like he needed to "fix it". He would hold me or left me be.
When you are really missing her, ask her to come into your dreams. Whenever I dream about her, I wake up with my heart so full of love and beating out memories.
She was with you when you took your first breath and how awesome that you were able to be there when she took her last.
It takes a special person to leave such an imprint on our hearts and thankfully you and I both had Moms who did.
Thinking of you.

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