The Last Beautiful Day
by Ann
(Monroeville PA)
It was the first day of spring, a beautiful day in March - the kind where you catch glimpses of the spring that is about to come. I worked the night shift at a psychiatric hospital, came home and saw my husband sleeping. He had asked me to wake him so he could take his grandson's computer in for repairs. Jack had bought the computer for Brandon after Christmas, as he had a new game but no computer to play it. For a month, Brandon used my computer or my son's, then Jack bought him a nice reconditioned pc from a friend who had his own business.
He left for Scott's computer shop and I went to bed. As I was getting up for the day, in mid afternoon, my son was just leaving with his children for some quality time activity. Our daughter stopped by to discuss some plans for her wedding scheduled in September. Jack was looking forward to the wedding, but scoffed at our selections for the father-daughter dance music. He said he wasn't dancing to anything that would make everybody cry. At some point in the day, our other son had stopped, and it was a thoroughly pleasant day.
Jack complained that his back hurt, rubbing his right middle back. I suggested he take a hot shower and lay down. Our son attempted to grill hamburgers, but the propane tank emptied almost right after he ignited the grill. I cooked the burgers in the broiler but Jack was sleeping. Later our son asked me to check on him because he heard Dad moaning. I offered to get him some Advil, which he refused, and I rubbed his back. He said "okay, that's good." About two hours later, I went to check on him and found him barely breathing. I rolled him over, he didn't breathe again and had no pulse. My son who heard me shouting his name called 911. I did CPR for about 3 minutes until the paramedics arrived.
I knew, and although neighbors gathered and tried to reassure me, I did not expect to have another beautiful day. Everything humanly possible was done, by the paramedics in front of our home, and by the ED staff at the local hospital. Forty four minutes after I found him, he was pronounced dead. The doctor told those of us who were gathered, my daughter, her fiance, my son and two very dear neighbors that there was some electrical activity in the heart, but they could not convert it to a rhythm.
That was one month ago. Except for the day of the funeral, it seems to me like it has rained every day. I felt so much love and support from family and friends that I could never leave this community. I have been surrounded by family and friends since Jack's death, sometimes to excess, but they are so well-meaning that I don't mention it.
I know that there will be days with good weather, and some day I won't hurt as much as I do now. I know that Jack did not suffer long or have more than a moment of awareness that he was dying. Jack had a wonderful enthusiasm for beautiful days, sunsets, flowers, birds, and even the groundhogs that would take a single bite out of his tomatoes and leave them to rot on the vine. Without him, I just don't know how any day can ever be beautiful again.
