The last one of the line
I am a young girl at heart, just reached my thirties, but instead of raising a family of my own I have been burying my relatives since early teens. So far nine of my family members have died, and you are guessing right - there is only a few left anymore, that meaning me and my parents (who are divorced) and my grandpa who is over 90.
I have lost my only sibling and the closest person ever to me in this world, my dear little brother, as well as two great aunts, my grandfather, two uncles, my aunt and two grandmothers. I have no cousins, our family has always been small.
My "record" is three funerals in less than 9 months: first cancer took my uncle, then dementia and grief took his father - my grandfather, then my brother committed suicide at the age of 18. I was 23 at the time. Having front row seats at funerals instead of rock concerts was not what I had in mind.
When I for once was able to bring a happy celebration to our family and got married, it ended in a quick divorce despite the several years I had lived together with the man. I had clearly miscalculated the nature of the relationship - but then again, being sick from all the losses, is it a wonder?
Right now I am aware that I am the last one in our family line, and I am already anxious of the idea of one day being entirely alone in the world. Also the idea of burying my parents one day on my own is weighing on my mind.
I would love to have a family one day, but it somehow seems that whenever I try to find happiness, I always end up in funerals anyway. I do not dare to even hope to have children of my own one day, it seems like too precious of a gift that would come my way.
Tomorrow is the funeral of my other grandmother, and my other uncle I buried two months ago (aggressive cancer, he was gone in less than two weeks). It seems my lesson in this life is to learn to let go of the people I love the most and just bury them one after another. Good news is, I get discount from funeral homes...sorry but morbid humour has become essential tool in my survival kit.
Maybe my luck turns in the next reincarnation!