The last one of the line

I am a young girl at heart, just reached my thirties, but instead of raising a family of my own I have been burying my relatives since early teens. So far nine of my family members have died, and you are guessing right - there is only a few left anymore, that meaning me and my parents (who are divorced) and my grandpa who is over 90.
I have lost my only sibling and the closest person ever to me in this world, my dear little brother, as well as two great aunts, my grandfather, two uncles, my aunt and two grandmothers. I have no cousins, our family has always been small.
My "record" is three funerals in less than 9 months: first cancer took my uncle, then dementia and grief took his father - my grandfather, then my brother committed suicide at the age of 18. I was 23 at the time. Having front row seats at funerals instead of rock concerts was not what I had in mind.
When I for once was able to bring a happy celebration to our family and got married, it ended in a quick divorce despite the several years I had lived together with the man. I had clearly miscalculated the nature of the relationship - but then again, being sick from all the losses, is it a wonder?
Right now I am aware that I am the last one in our family line, and I am already anxious of the idea of one day being entirely alone in the world. Also the idea of burying my parents one day on my own is weighing on my mind.
I would love to have a family one day, but it somehow seems that whenever I try to find happiness, I always end up in funerals anyway. I do not dare to even hope to have children of my own one day, it seems like too precious of a gift that would come my way.
Tomorrow is the funeral of my other grandmother, and my other uncle I buried two months ago (aggressive cancer, he was gone in less than two weeks). It seems my lesson in this life is to learn to let go of the people I love the most and just bury them one after another. Good news is, I get discount from funeral homes...sorry but morbid humour has become essential tool in my survival kit.
Maybe my luck turns in the next reincarnation!

Comments for The last one of the line

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May 10, 2014
last one on the line
by: lerato

God He heals the broken-hearted
and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.  Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit. 6 The LORD sustains the humble
but casts the wicked to the ground be strong and accept.

May 10, 2014
The last one of the line
by: Doreen UK

I can understand your need for humour and also your cynicism since you have had to bury too many people from your family. You must be feeling as if this is your role in life, when nothing good is happening for you.
Many of us have so much bad luck in life. But to lose so many family members is the worst pit one can have difficulty crawling out of.
You deserve happiness in life. When one faces death it is so easy to become vulnerable to more loss and when this doesn't stop you wonder WHY?? It almost feels like a curse to lose so many people from your entire life. I can understand your concern for losing your parents. BUT. Try and change your thinking towards losing your parents saying to yourself that one day you will lose them, but you hope before almighty God that He will give you many more happier years on this earth with your parents still here enjoying life with you.
Don't cancel out marriage and meeting someone some day. Be realistic knowing that we live in a fractured world and that we will keep losing people, and many other facets of our life. Try and hold everything you have loosely knowing that one day you will lose these things. Take one day at a time and ENJOY each day with the people you have in it. Make many good and happy memories each day so that you will have these memories to carry you forward. Keep a journal and write out all the good things that happen to you each day. It is so easy to lose sight of anything good happening in your life when you have so many bad things happen rapidly.
If you believe in God, Ask God to keep your parents safe and allow you to have some good times in life. Seek God's face in your life as God is all we have to take us through life. God is our Creator, Saviour, Sustainer, Hope, Strength, Peace, and Comforter amongst many other things. God is the only one who can carry us and our sorrows so we can survive the aftermath of pain and sorrow. Sadness is all around us. But thank God it too passes. Claim your life back and speak to the Universe to help you find your way back into life. I am sorry for all your losses in life. May God comfort you and Bless you in life and give you his Eternal Peace.

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