The light

by Jeanne
(California)

It's been 8 months since losing my one and only and it's Xmas season and I'm sure things will be rough. However, today as I look out and ponder on a very rainy, dark day it occurs to me that I have really come a long way emotionally and have accomplished so much physically. I know they tell us to reserve doing important decisions, etc, until a year has passed but I jumped right in within two weeks preparing and carrying out some real difficult decisions. That took my mind off of much grief. I was able to shut down our home, remodel our condo for my use, get rid of or donate tons of stuff and within two months had all that finished.

After things settled down in my new place I had some moments, no, I had a lot of moments of sadness but family and some very close friends were there for me. I got through Thanksgiving with only one healthy breakdown but all in all I did fine and my kids expected it so we got through that episode. Today I'm packed for a trip to Northern California with my daughter (who is a very young widow and knows what all this is about) to spend Christmas with my granddaughter.

We plan a girls weekend with dinners out, a trip to a golf course rain permitting, close chit chat and lighting a candle for two departed husbands. And as I sit here reflecting on all the above, I feel so much stronger and suddenly I can see that light of hope, peace, calm, new beginnings, new everything! It feels so good. I know today is a good day and maybe tomorrow will be not so good but it feels so good to feel good today that I had to share it. Merry Christmas to all.