the list goes on and on....

miscarriage, 1991/infertility, 12 years - 1987-1999/miscarriage - 2006/2 miscarriages - 2007/mother-in-law suffers stroke - 2008/she dies in 2009/husband depressed ever since/find out adopted daughter cuts herself 2010/adopted daughter attempts suicide 2011/adopted daughter pregnant 2012 - "wanting to start her own family"/adopted daughter marries at 17 to a 17-year old boy 2013/adopted daughter "divorces" us starting 2010 saying "she never belonged to anybody and doesn't want to be anybody's daughter!"/loss of years of possible good family times/our miracle birth daughter of 12 is grieving the loss of her only sister/loss of good family times with our only daughter left - how it could have been a happy childhood for her/anger at adopted daughter, as she trashes anything good, now putting all focus and expectations with her boyfriend and his family, but now claiming she wants us involved when the baby comes. Apparently, we are not her family, but she wants us to be grandparents to her child? ??? I'm hurt, blown away, bitter at the disillusionment of adoption - as it is apparently the "adopted parents fault" that the birth parents made their choice to do drugs and fail time and again for 4 long years to get their daughter back, while she was our foster daughter from 3 mos. of age to 4 years old when we adopted her. We have taken the wrath for what they chose to do/not do. It is sad and disappointing. Our daughter has resisted and still resists anything good, any opportunity to better herself. She sees herself as trash, no one loving her, etc. Victim mentality big time. Everyone around us says we have gone above and beyond what most parents would do, that we can rest in that, but I grieve what had been a happy childhood for her, until she turned 13, then it went downhill fast! And, no therapist can successfully diagnose her, as she is very smart and snows them very well. We have let go and and letting God do the rest of the work that needs to happen for her to find peace and healing for her life. In the meantime, we have to pick up the pieces here and move on.....

Comments for the list goes on and on....

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Apr 12, 2013
the list goes on and on......
by: Doreen U.K.

Most of our live we will spend grieving some loss. But if we can do this sooner rather than later it will not pile up until we find we can't cope anymore.
I lived a very repressed life and had a loss of confidence. I took myself off in my 40's into counselling and with the help of a good therapist I grieved my losses. I have been amazed at how I have got my life back in ways I had never known and lived life for the first time ever. I had at that time been married over 25yrs. and had 3 children. It was a struggle. But I was able to benefit my family from the skills and healing from therapy. I had a Christian therapist. This made a difference. But I was able to Heal in a way that helped me move forward.
You have done an excellent job as parents. But sad to say some people are so badly damaged from the rejection of life that they find it hard to move forward and can become bitter. It is God who is all powerful and can bring Healing to an individual life. But TIME can feel like an eternity. So don't Give up Hope. Hang in there and allow God to help you all as a family to find your way back in life.

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