The List

The day before my husband passed away (six months ago), we were sitting in the den and he told me to make a list. I had no idea what he was talking about. But I would have done anything for him those days. We knew he was going to die but the doctors said we had six months. I only had six days. So I got a pad of paper and he started in.

1.sell my car. 2.put on door handles. 3.clean garage etc. etc. there ended up being over maybe 100 things on his list. That was Sunday Morning.

Then his family came over and they talked, my brother-in-law who is a Dr. said he wouldn't make it through the night. My children had left for the airport I called them and they came right back. WE didn't believe he would die that night. But we didn't know.

He died the next morning -July 19th at 2 a.m.

We had a get together at the house that weekend- He wanted us to have a party to celebrate his life.

A few days later I found the list again. I started at the top, Sold his car, put on door handles, cleaned the garage had a yard sale, painted 2 bathrooms, planted rose garden-on and on until now the list is done-

And I am lost. It was like I was in a fog, doing it for him. But now what?

I miss him so much but I felt close to him doing the things on his list. But now I need him back to tell me what to do next. The fog has lifted and I am lost