The lonely hours of the night ~
Wow, I'm back here again. This must be a record posting for me, it seems to be on a continuous basis. Sometime I wonder if I'm putting myself here on purpose. It's not that I want to live the pain each day and night but at 1:00am I'm putting myself in a position I've always tried to avoid.
My heart pulls me to everything that is leaving me in sorrow because Billy is gone.
My son called me today to say a very old friend of his fathers (and mine at one time) died. I said to my son could we please use the word "passed" because the died thing was uncomfortable and even though my son's father and I don't get alone any more (that's saying it nice) I can only feel the sorrow and pain I know Uncle Mark (that's what we called him to our son, his father friend) who's now left alone in the world (his mother passed 8 months ago.)
I feel his pain, sorrow and the "What am I going to do now" for this past friend. Maybe that's why I'm here. Even though my son's father and I are at odds I want to reach out and help uncle Mark any way I can. I know the hurt, the pain and I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
Now I'm back to thinking about Billy, the funeral, the plans and everything that goes with the passing of a soul.
What to do, what to say...????
It brought back memories of my taking care of business when Billy passed. So much to do, and so little time to take care of it... An emotion that pulls at the heart and soul.
All I can say is "Rest in Peace Sam" may you have no more pain and sorrow and your soul released to peace and happy memories. Please watch down on Mark your son and guide him along a path he now must walk alone. Keep him strong and some day you will be united to share love and laughter.
I send my pray to him and Mark..
Times will be difficult and hard but I have faith...
Bless your heart and Bless your soul Sam ~
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year