the loss in my heart over my wifes passing is hurting me so bad , i feel i'm failing my children

by Rick
(Pinellas Park, Fl)

in 2007 my wife passed away from lung cancer, she was truly my best friend, we had two beautiful children together, it is now 2013 and i cannot seam to recover, and feel i have givin up , knowing that i'm failing my children has only made it harder, i'm so depressed and lonely, i cry at everything , but still cannot seam to help myself , why does my love have to hurt so bad. i am a rational man , but cannot find the right answer. last year i almost lost my son to a drug overdose .. i thought i could not sink any lower ... i have lost everything material .. and live soully to help take care of him , as well as my ageing mother ... i try to help everyone i can regardless of my conditions, but nothing seams to make me feel better ,,, if love is such a wonderful thing , then why does my heart ache so much. i sometimes wish i could be cold with a stone heart, but i don't have it in me ... i wish someone would help me believe it will all be ok , and help the healing begin. Please ... what do i do.

i am a firm beleiver in jesus , and that he died on the cross for my sins. i just wish i could complete the task that i believe is meant for me. it's just this ten foot hurdle in front of me i cannot make it over.

thanks for listening, and god bless.


Comments for the loss in my heart over my wifes passing is hurting me so bad , i feel i'm failing my children

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Feb 03, 2014
Your pure sorrow
by: Dianne

Like you I try hard to be their for everyone, I lost my darling son December 2012 my life is in turmoil with the whys the feeling of failing and the pure dislocation of understand as to why we are put through these horrors. I dar,nt pray as the last time I did it was a scream of terror from my heart for someone to help my wonderful son, THE result was they took him away from me for ever. My heart goes out to you over the loss of your wife, 40years ago I lost my fiance 2 weeks before our wedding, now my son. I don,t believe I have been a bad person but this world of sorrow that is my world now is something that I can,t understand. Every day is a just go on day for thoughs that I need to care for. But I don,t understand anymore the reasons of life when some people are made to suffer over and over again. BUT some how somewhere deep inside I know that when the time is right we will be with our most loved one. DO not try to hard to put the world right for others. Be their but understand that you can't change their destiny all you can do is love them regardless

Dec 04, 2013
by: Kate

I lost my husband 19years ago who was the love of my life,then I lost my oldest son Nov 2012 and I understand
The pain of loss,the grief,sorrow and hurt. We must keep trying. Help from god is my strength.take one day at a time.
It takes a lot of time.

Dec 03, 2013
by: Judith in California

Dear Rick, It’s never easy to loose our mates.

My husband passed 3 years ago. I’m still feeling that loss but I do get up each moring with a prayer in my heart and know God has blessed me more than I can count.

I was his caregiver for 3 and 1/2 years. Your being a caregiver for your son and Mother is draining you of the time you need to grieve for your wife. It is the most emotionally taxing endeavor to ever take on. I know that feeling. You may be suffering from caregivers burnout to where you feel totally drained of all your energy.

Please call some local angencies and find out about at home respite caregivers who will provide you some time to get away and only think of your loss. You need to unburden yourself a few hours each
day and say this is the time I will devote to my wife’s passing. Please rest assured She is in good hands with the Lord.
She and God want you to care for yourself. They want you to find contentment and peace.

We have to keep on and live the best we can because others need us and we need them.

We learn to cope each day but we will always have a grief corner in our hearts for them.

Most hospitals offer support groups for loss. Call them and ask.

Or read all the post from the lost spouse section on this site. You may find some help here.

Please know we care .

Dec 03, 2013
the loss in my heart over my wifes passing is hurting me so bad, I feel i'm failing my children.
by: Doreen UK

Rick I am so sorry for your loss of your wife. You are probably so busy taking care of everyone else you haven't given time to NURTURE yourself through your grief. We all have our limitations. If you carry too much responsibility for your family and other people you will suffer a boundary injury and you will feel as if you are grieving all the time. You need to give your body and mind time to heal by taking care of yourself and not giving too much of yourself to everyone else. I DID THIS. I have no regrets about caring deeply for my family and other people but I did it too deeply and too much. As Chuck Swindoll wrote in one of his books. God gives us our knapsacks which is all our emotions and feelings and personality. Trials and tribulations in life are the boulders. We need to know which load we help others with. If we carry their knapsack we injure ourselves. God never intended us to carry a person's knapsack, but we help them carry their boulders.
You also may be stuck in grief and can't move forward. A few sessions with a good counsellor will help you move beyond the pain and you will start feeling better again. Also Let Jesus carry the burden you bear. I one time didn't know how to let Jesus carry my burdens. I ended up carrying them again. Thank God Jesus helped me find out how to hand them over to him. Let your Pastor know how you are feeling and get good support for yourself. you are so busy supporting everyone else you have forgotten you. You have become lost in grief. With good care you will learn to feel better and get your life back. I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. to cancer 18 months ago. I believe I will see him again when Jesus comes back for us. Keep this HOPE alive you will see your wife again. May God comfort you in your grief and give you His Peace.

Dec 02, 2013
Loss of your wife
by: Marge

Rick - It has has been a few years since you lost your wife and I can tell the grief is still fresh in your mind. I lost my husband 15 years ago and still miss him. So many reminders and being a widow is lonely. I lost my youngest son in 2012 and that is the hardest thing that I am still dealing with. I cry often and miss him so very much. I know there are many people, like you, that have lost loved ones and it leaves a void in your life, but your wife would not want you to be sad. Try to remember all the wonderful memories you shared together. Reading the stories from this web site make me realize I am not alone in my sorrow. Take care. Marge

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