the loss of a generation

My parents divorced when I was born. I never knew my father and was raised by my mother. My mother was bitter, stringent and humiliated me till I decided it was enough. In those days there was hardly any support. Every time I ran away I was brought back home. At the age of 11 I wanted to kill her (I didn't). At the age of 16 I left home for good. I was forced to look after myself, left school and started to work to provide for income and sustenance. I survived and gained many positive things from my independence.
The emotional side however seems not to have healed despite counseling and treatment. Time and again I ask(ed) myself the question:"why on earth do you take children if you do not provide for them?"
Now it seems this generation is dying out and I find myself with an almost uncontrollable grief. I can't concentrate. I find it hard to cope with the world around me. In the last 4 years 5 people who I was very close to have passed away. And I miss them so much. It is very difficult to focus. I find it impossible to write more. I am unable to open my e-mail or to communicate.

Comments for the loss of a generation

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Feb 09, 2012
tough life
by: Anonymous

I have had a mother who treated me really badly and humiliated me constantly. When she died, I felt as if a huge load was lifted off my shoulders. But, although she is gone, she still lives in my head, and no matter how many therapy sessions I attend, she stubbornly stays there and her scoffing at me never ends. I understand your grief. The worst part in all this is that people assume that every mother loves her child and her love is unconditional. They don't understand that there are mothers who are monsters and they cause a lot of suffering to their children, causing scars that are usually to stay. For people like us, it always will be very hard to connect with others - because they simply have that love that we lack. We operate in completely different universes. Love and peace to you. Believe me, you are not alone.

Feb 09, 2012
Stuck in grief
by: Anonymous

It is hard when we get stuck in our grief. Sometimes it seems we are all alone, but that is a lie that we tell ourselves. All you need to do is read the Grief Blog and eventually you will read that someone else is telling your story. It may not be the exact words, but hurt is hurt, pain is pain and grief, is grief. We, each travel the deep dark road, feeling all lost and alone, believing no one understands, no one cares, that we have been abandoned by our most entrusted friends. We feel confused, unable to do the easiest of tasks. The things that used to satisfy us, no longer do. How can we motivate ourselves, how can we feel true happiness when our friends, lie dead in a coffin, or worse have been engulfed in flames. I can not make sense of it all, and I am sure there are many others out there who can identify with the haunting dreams that linger late at night, challenging us whether we should even attempt to seek rest at all. I hate it when darkness comes. In the day, I can busy myself with the events of the day, but at night, I am alone and I hate it. I don't like what I think, what I feel, and I just pray that the daylight come soon - for me it is never quick enough. I've tried talking to friends, - they don't get it, I find, just venting here helps - a little - but today - I can confess - I AM STUCK IN MY GRIEF - and maybe tomorrow - prayerfully I won't. Here's to a new tomorrow.

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