the loss of a secret love
he was never mine, I could never openly grieve, I wasn't told when the funeral was.
he is buried near to me and I visit the grave sometimes. I just stare at his name.
so many things I wished I had said.
So often I long for that connection we shared.
I wonder, was it real? am I remembering it how it was?
old memories circle in my mind.
I feel like a very special part of me has died. a part that I didnt even know about until he showed me.
but I still dont regret knowing him.
4 years have passed, but a part of me is back there, not able to let go.
I dont want to forget that feeling, and yet I am haunted by it.
I want to move on, but I dont want to forget. But if I dont forget I cant move on as I cant seem to be able to remember without yearning and wishing. Just to know he is alive, somewhere.
It was over before he died. but I was happy knowing that he existed. that somewhere he might be thinking of me.
Now I am the only person in the world who knows.
the world is just a paler place without him in it.