The loss of me....

by Michelle
(Owasso, Ok)

My dad has always been sick- he was an alcoholic. As his disease progression got worse, so did my marriage. During my senior year of nursing school my husband stated that marrying me was exciting and fresh at first, but now I cared about others more than I cared about him. He filed for divorce and the divorce was finalized a week before school started- many losses there. I spent so much time with my dad in the hospital that my nursing assignments slacked. I had failed a course in nursing for turning in lye assignments because I prioritized correctly (in my book). So I was kicked out of nursing. 3-weeks later (in january) my father passed during hope hospice from liver failure. Since we was being buried in Arlington national cemetery we had to wait until May to bury him. 6- months later..... My Aunt would lose her 3-yr battle against lung cancer the same say that my best friend's body was found in her apartment from what looked like an accidental overdose. I am so emotionally shocked, drained, and incapable of wrapping my rad around the whole situation. It all feels so surreal.

Comments for The loss of me....

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Jan 15, 2013
The loss of me....
by: Doreen U.K.

Pat I am sorry for your loss of your partner of 7yrs. I applaud you for going on and getting a MA degree. Being a counsellor has benefits but sadly even counsellors lose people from their lives and need support. We all need someone to lean on. I found writing in a journal very therapeutic and cathartic. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer 8 months ago. His lung cancer was caused by working with ASBESTOS. His cancer was incurable, inoperable, and aggressive.
Grief hurts the body so much and makes one feel ill. This is not something that positive thinking will make better. It is a stage that we have to go through in our Healing. But sad to say this is a very slow healing. None of us will ever know if we will Heal completely when FRACTURED by DEATH. WE will probably get to a comfortable place where it doesn't hurt so much. Most of life is grieving a loss of some sort. But death is the worst LOSS. I hope that you will be comforted in your grief and that you will have supportive family and friends in your grief journey as it does help immensely.

Jan 14, 2013
Loss of Me
by: Pat

Dear Michelle, I hear your pain. I am not sure when you posted your message, but I hope things are going better for you. Although no one can totally understand another's grief, I heard your pain. I am lost too, but have not lost a husband or a career (at least not recently). I am probably much older than you are. Your writing seemed to indicate an age around the late 20's. I am really just guessing, but I hope that my more advanced age and experience might help in some small way. I was divorced too, but it was many years ago. No one ever forgets what that feels like, no matter when it happened. It took me a long time to pick up the pieces and find a path for my life alone. We never had children and I am so glad because my ex was abusive. I moved away from the town where I lived with my ex and started a whole new life. Twenty years later, due to some health problems, I had to retire from my career early and that felt like another loss. I loved what I did as a social worker. Still trying to find another new path for myself, I returned to school and got my MA in counseling just before I turned 59. You seemed very dedicated to a nursing career. If you still want to do that, I hope you will. I think you have been through so much that you would make a wonderful, caring nurse. One of the reasons I went back to school was in the hope of finding a new relationship. I finally decided I was ready. I did find that right guy, but, now, 7 years later, I am sitting here dealing with his death, as well as my brother's and father's, all within 5 mons. of each other. I hope you are doing better. Maybe we can help each other. I am still trying to figure out how to live all by myself again. I have no family near me. I feel lost in a sea of grief. I have been looking for a way to journal on-line. This is the closest thing I have found. Just being able to comminicate with others going through the same thing helps. I hope you will let me know how you are. I wish you well.

Dec 10, 2012
I hear you.
by: Anonymous

Hi.
There's still a part of me that doesn't believe I'm surfing the net over this subject let alone writing on a support site.

I'm still in the year I lost my friends.

In January, I lost my best girlfriend to an overdose. Twenty days later, I lost my husband. Two months ago, I lost the best girl at my wedding, also a close friend.

I don't really know what to make of it all. I know that I've dealt the most or at least had the healthiest process so far with the loss of my best friend. I know she's happier, which sometimes makes me feel a sense of calm when I get over the selfish (but very normal I guess!) feelings or thoughts that revolve around me wanting Semara here on earth with me and not somewhere else.

With Francois my husband, I don't know how to express the pain. It comes and goes now a days, but when it comes the pain is so intense that I can't breathe. I've been acting out in self destructive manners lately, too.

With Philly, I haven't even scratched the surface of grieving her. I cried when I got the news in shock, and I cried at her funeral. I think there's only so much a heart can handle in one year. Or in a lifetime.

I also don't know if I will ever be able to conceptualise what happened. That the love of my life is gone, and just not coming back. That I never got to say goodbye. That I didn't save them all somehow.

I'm sorry for your losses.

I hope things work out for you and me.

With love,

Jenna, South Africa.

Dec 05, 2012
The loss of me......
by: Doreen U.K.

Michelle I am sorry for your loss of your Dad, your marriage, your nursing career, your friend, relative with lung cancer. You have somehow lost yourself with all your losses.
Yours first step should be to find a counsellor. Work hard in counselling to get your self-esteem back and get support to grieve your many losses. then try nursing school again. Explain to the faculty all your circumstances and they will take this into consideration. You should not be penalised for having a bad run of problems. We have so many losses to endure in our lifetime. Some we can recover and some we can't recover. Go for those you can recover. You will have a free-er mind to concentrate on your studies. This way you will know if nursing is still for you. Otherwise go to college and train for what is second on your mind. Your marriage ended and this is another big loss that is hard to bear. I found my strength in God throughout my life, otherwise I wouldn't have survived what I have been through in life. God is my strength, a very present help in time of trouble. There are some things we have to go through in life. It is these problems that develop us and make us stronger. But DEATH is the hardest and worst loss to deal with. My worst loss is that of my husband Steve who died of lung cancer 7 months ago. We were married 44yrs. I had to watch Steve die slowly a painful death over 3yrs. But in his suffering I do believe that God touched his life through that suffering. At the end Steve died with dignity. this is his memorial.
GOD SAW YOU GETTING TIRED WHEN A CURE WAS NOT TO BE. HE CLOSED HIS AREMS AROUND YOU AND WHISPERED "COME TO ME."
SO KEEP YOUR ARMS AROUND HIM LORD AND GIVE HIM ALL YOUR CARE. MAKE UP FOR ALL HE SUFFERED AND ALL THAT SEEMED UNFAIR.
HE SUFFERED MUCH IN SILENCE, HIS SPIRIT DID NOT BEND. HE FACED HIS PAIN WITH COURAGE UNTIL THE VERY END. HE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY WITH US, BUT HIS FIGHT WAS NOT IN VAIN. GOD TOOK HIM TO HIS LOVING HOME AND FREED HIM FROM HIS PAIN.
This verse is compiled from 2 verses on a memorial site. But very appropriate.
I hope that life treats you well and that you will be stronger to cope with what you have to deal with now and in the future. Best wishes.

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