The Loss of My Dad

by Anonymous
(BC)

I'm only a fifteen year old girl. My dad and I had a really rough relationship. My parents were separated and he was harsh with me so I kind of tried to avoid him at all times. He was an alcoholic ; I just didn't think it was bad to a point where he would call us one day asking us to take him to the hospital. The day he entered we all started to feel bad and sympathy we stayed beside him for almost three months in a hospital with him. His liver was failing and that started to affect his kidney which also started to fail. The doctors were telling us he wasn't going to survive, we stayed positive. He was transferred to another hospital with better doctors. At the previous hospital he had varices bleeding so he had to have his throat stitched up. Then the hospital after that wanted to put an endoscope down his throat and didn't realize it had been stitched before. I was the only one who spent the last day with him. We talked and talked and I've never felt closer to him. Every time he felt uncomfortable he would look to me not the doctors and asked for my hand for support. Before they took him to the endoscope process he hugged me and said "I'm dying" That was the last time I saw him. I had a hysteria when I found out he was not going to survive. The doctors had put the endoscope down his throat and the stitches from before got unhooked and the doctors weren't able to stop the bleeding. I love him very much. It's been almost two months and my grief feels worse than the day he passed away. I saw him dead in front of me and never felt protected even when he was hugging me. To this day I blame myself for praying he dies once from frustration. I can't get over it.

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Nov 14, 2012
The Losss of My Dad
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. I am sorry for your loss of relationship with your Dad. You have had the most horrible experience knowing your father was going to die. So much goes through your mind and you can't build a relationship in such a short time. It is sad for all the wasted years parents lose by not forging a bond with their children. Perhaps some pain from his own childhood or past caused him to be this way and his only way of coping was to drink and drown his sorrows.
I am glad your dad got the chance to hold you and talk to you before he died. Hold onto this golden moment. It was good for him to do this. Because he was dying he would have realized in those last moments of his life what he had missed out on with his children. He learnt too late what he lost out on with you in his life. He couldn't see past his anger. Because he was dying his anger would have evaporated and he could see you for the first time and enjoy the last moments of his life with you. Hold onto that precious moment. The sadness for you is that is was too short a time for you with your dad. Your heart will be broken for a long time. Not only over his death but also for the loss of relationship throughout your life. This will have caused a deep wound in you which will affect your grief. You would greatly benefit from grief counselling to help you get over this long time hurt over the years to your father's death. I hope you have other family members and friends to support you, as it does help a lot having this support. You sound very young. You may be able to be nurtured by any other male member in your family e.g. an uncle or grandfather.

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