The loss of my Guiding Light

by Ester Hernandez
(Edinburg, Texas)

I lost my husband, Johnny, of 38 years to diabetes complications. I think about him every single day, and every minute of every day. I miss him so much, my male friends sometimes I mistakenly call them by my husbands' name, one close friend in particular even sounds like my husband over the phone, to me. It's been almost four months, but my heart is refusing to accept my loss. He was my high school sweetheart and he will forever live in me. He was my rock and my guiding light which turned off forever. I pray to God everyday to give me the strength to go on. I have lots of family and friends and everyone tells me that they understand my loss, my grief but sometimes, I don't think anyone really understands, every loss is different and everyone learns to handle it in different ways. Just remember, God never gives you more then what you can handle, I really believe this. Someday, if I meet someone special and fall in love, I want him to be just like my lost love, I pray to God if it's in any way possible.

Comments for The loss of my Guiding Light

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Aug 18, 2013
the loss of my guiding light
by: silver

Dear Ester,the love of my life left me to go home to GOD on May,2011.He used to tell me,(esp after my sister died)that,"It (grief)never goes away but it does get easier."I often remind myself of that.Between my faith in GOD and this site,I have reached a point in my grief where I don't grieve as hard.I still have times of crying and feeling so very lost,but they are not as bad or as long.I am finally beginning to take more care of me.My children have told me I'm not allowed to die until I reach at least 80.(I'm in early 60's).My mother died 7 months after my dad and my kids said I'm not allowed to copy her.I know how you feel about our love being our rock.I wrote a poem called "My Rock" that is here on this site.My love was there for me,he WAS my rock.It's hard to let go and realize they aren't there anymore but I believe they are watching us and trying to comfort us.GOD send you strength and peace.I keep you in my prayers

Aug 07, 2013
your grief
by: Lawrence

Don’t expect anyone to understand the intense grief you are suffering, people will say they know what you are going through but they don’t, grief is so devastating and soul destroying that until you have experienced it yourself it’s impossible to even imagine the horror of being left by the one person you loved more than life itself.
You are on a website that helps people like you and me .We have all been or going through this nightmare and believe me it helps so much to read other heartbreaking stories and how they are coping with their grief.
It is seven months since I lost the love of my life after being a couple for nearly seventy years and I am still in agony at her leaving me, but life has to go on.
You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you whereas I am in the evening of my life and so thankful I spent most of it with the girl of my dreams. I saw her grow from an awkward teenager through to a beautiful woman and an even lovelier pensioner; I thank the good Lord daily for sharing her with me.
Let the grief wash over you and you will notice as the months go by that although the pain is severe it will lessen.
Try to keep yourself occupied, get out of the house on any pretense, it is so easy to give way to your grief but Johnny would hate to see you in such pain.
My prayers and everybody on this site are with you.

Aug 06, 2013
The loss of my Guiding Light
by: Doreen U.K.

Ester I am sorry for your loss of your very young husband. He was so young. You are far too young for your life to just end here. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 15 months ago to cancer and I am trying hard to restructure my life and some days it is too hard. I am of an age when I feel too weary to put someone else in my life. No one could ever take the place of my husband. He was unique and then God broke the mould. The grief feels so intense that often it does feel as if I have more than I can bear and then I call on God to ease it for me so I can cope. You are too young to live a lonely life. You need to grieve your loss of your husband. You will know when you are ready for a new relationship.
Even if friends and family express they know how you feel the truth is they don't until any one of them goes through the loss of a life partner. It is a type of grief that one can't even imagine. You can only understand from feeling this type of loss and grief. You will have good days and bad days and this is God's way of giving us a break from grief. WE can't force grief or make it end faster. Grief unfolds even when we least expect this to happen and we can even be in the wrong place. But don't repress your grief. Cry wherever you are and whenever you need to. One always feels better after a good cry. Grief is a slow process. You will come though this loss in time, but it does hurt so bad when you are going through this. God will hold you up and keep you in His Hands. God is our only Hope and we will see our husband's again when Jesus comes back for us. Hasten this day.

Aug 06, 2013
The light never goes off
by: Fabio

i ' m sorry for your loss but , rest sure , he is still with you in spiritual , he has a new job in the spiritual world more important then the living world he s job here was completed so he will be still guiding you and the lights never goes off remember we are they heaven read this book you love it and will help you a bit and don 't forget to keep talking to him he s listening to you every day hope this help you a bit and also don' t let anyone tell you how to grief . Love and pace x

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