The Loss of my Husband

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The Loss of my Husband

by Chris
(ohio)

Dec. 11, 2010 has become the worst day of my life. My husband of 13 years at the age of 45 had a heart attack and left me alone. We have three children ages 12, 10, and 8. I still cannot believe he is gone, every night I pray so hard that this is all a nightmare and he wakes me up and I tell him about this horrible dream.

Mark was my soul mate and we did everything together I don’t know how to live without him. How can god take away my soul mate, lover and father to our children. Life sucks now, I walk around numb and people keep say it’s going to get better but I don’t think so, how could it when Mark is gone???

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The Loss of my Husband

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20 days
by: debbie

I lost my husband 20 days ago - 5 days before my 21st wedding anniversary, he was only 42 and has left me and our 16 year old son behind. I also keep expecting to see him and am so numb at times. It is like part of me just won't believe this is real.

On the 6th august we moved to the uk to start a new life then the 11th september he was diagnosed with lung cancer, my son and I watched him fade away till he could barely walk and on the 6th october his bowel perforated from diverticulitus, he passed away on the 8th oct.

It all feels like it was someone else, my son and I go back to south africa on sunday as we can't stay here without him. His ashes now lay in cardiff with his moms and still my mind can't conceive he won't walk through a door and say I am back.

I am so afraid, how after you loose the love of your life are you meant to carry on...

Reading what each of you wrote my heart breaks for us all, I don't know what to say except I pray that the pain will ease for us all

Joanne I feel for you
by: Anonymous

When does it hit you???? It takes so long and then there are days that I will can not believe it. It has been 35 weeks since my husband passed away and sometimes I sit here wandering did this really happen or did I just dream it??? I should say have a nightmare. I so want him to come back home I would give anything for that to happen. I think for the first several months I was numb and then it gets worst because I can not separate myself anymore from it. In the beginning I could almost say and not think of it. It's not real, but now i am hit with the reality and it SUCKS. I am not sure my life will ever be normal again all my hopes and dreams died on 12-11-10. My life will never be truly happy again without him.

Five weeks
by: Joanne

I lost my husband may 14, 2011 from cancer he was diagnosed five weeks prior. I am so numb I can't even cry this is just so unbelievable I keep waiting for him to come thru the door. When will this really hit me

I lost my husband on 5th March
by: Sue

My husband was the bravest most uncomplaining man I have ever known. We had been married for 42 years. He went into renal failure last July and I had been nursing him at home since then. The toxins in his bloodstream caused him to become delirious and, right until the end, he kept asking me to take him home. He was so ill, developed huge bedsores in spite of all my care and at the end would not eat or drink. I think he actually wanted to end it all It didn't matter how many times I told him we were at home, he never believed it. He died in my arms and I thought that this would be comforting but it is absolutely terrible. I keep thinking there was more that I could have done, and that he might still be alive if only I had tried harder. This grief feels as though it is tearing me to pieces. I feel so alone, My children live far away and I don't want to burden them with my suffering when they are mourning so much themselves.

Hope
by: Annie

I lost my husband of 31 years on December 21, 2010. He was diagnosed with cancer on July 27th so I did have almost four months with him. People say at least I had that time with him but I was too busy taking care of him, trying to find the cure for cancer and watching him deteriorate further every day. This situation that is called "Grief" is so hard. It has been over three months since I lost him and it is harder now. I guess the numbness has worn off and reality is setting in. The loneliness is over-whelming. I miss him so much. I did start going to grief therapy and that has helped. I have learned that this society does not understand, talk about or honor grief. A lot of my friends and family can't understand why I am not "normal" again after three months. This just adds additional anxiety on me. My head tells me to get on with my life but my heart does not want to. It is like my head and heart are in conflict. My heart is broken and there is no bandages, pills or surgery that can fix it. So I will continue with my therapy and hope one day I will be "normal" again.

2/20/11
by: Anonymous

My husband was killed on February 20, 2011 in a boating accident. He was a passenger on the boat and the owner hit a water marker and my husband died of horrible multiple injuries. I didnt see him the morning he left and never got to say goodbye. I feel absolutely devastated and although a month has gone by, can't believe this happened to him. He was my best friend, love of my life and the man i waited my whole life for. We had only been together since 2006, married in 2007 and felt like we had our wholes lives yet ahead of us. his stepdaughter, my daughter adored him and now it is like things were before we met, we are alone and I can't stop crying, every night I go into our room and cry until I can't anymore. I dread the holidays and firsts that he won't be here for. If I feel like this now, I can only imagine how much worse it is gonna get.

how to handle this
by: Chris

Well its been 10 weeks today that I lost my best friend, husband and father of our 3 children. I feel the pain even stronger now today then that horrible day back in December. i love my husband and can not seem to say goodbye. he left so suddenly and my counselor thinks it would be helpful if I said good bye but I can't. I just want him to come back home and to me saying goodbye means the end. I am still in denial I think because I can not say goodbye I love him and want to be with him. Why does this have to hurt so much. I can not handle this horrific pain that I am feeling it hurts to breath sometimes. I just want Mark and I to be together forever here, people say he is with me always and in the kids but dam it that is not good enough I want his physical being too.

the pain continues
by: Chris

Today is my husband's Birthday and I can not sleep, I can not get through this day without him. He has been gone for less then a month yet it feels like forever. i should be holding him right now but instead I'm crying and looking at pictures and listening to "Our Song" it is just not fair, how could this be happening to me. We loved each other with everything we had he was my soul mate, lover and best friend we shared everything possible and now it is gone. Marky just please come back me and the kids miss you so much I don't know how to live or function without you. we are a family and we need the missing link. I can not be without you. Tell me how this gets better????

I know
by: Chris

Some people say the dumbest things; the only thing that will help me is to bring Mark back. I pray everyday that this is all a nightmare and he will wake me up. We are a family and I am not sure how to be a single parent.

My loving husband also passed away
by: AWF

I just lost my husband as well on Dec.29. Our 2 children 12 and 9 years old watched their father die of cancer. Even though I have known for a year that this day would come, it has not been any easier. I'm lost and numb. People keep asking me if they can do anything - yeah bring him back.

Chris
by: Pam

Chris,
I feel your pain. I can't imagine how hard it is to be able to grieve and take care of children at the same time....my husband died November 19, 2010 and our son is grown and lives in another state. I would think that you would be so busy taking care of them that you might forget to take care of yourself.

Be kind to yourself, you are not alone. There are broken hearts all over this website and we all understand exactly how you feel. I too wonder what God's plan is, why he would take such good people that are loved. I scream and yell in my pillow, and if people ask how I am I tell them the truth, it makes it easier for me, maybe for you as well.

Loss of my husband
by: Jeanne in CA

It breaks my heart to read your entry which speaks of such emotion and heartbreak that it shouts out your pain. It is also so inline with all the folks who post on this site. We know and understand exactly where you are and how you feel. You will be so happy you found this site where you can express yourself and be totally understood. You have found a good place to be so use this resource as we all do. It has helped me immensely. This is a first step.

Loss
by: Anonymous

Chris,
Don't worry about what everyone says right now. There is no set time for "it getting better" as everyone puts it. Just feel what you feel. We all grieve at our own pace and in our own ways. Invest in lots of kleenex and allow yourself to grieve. Don't be afraid to yell at God. Someone once told me he could handle it. They were right. My prayers are with you.

One Month For Me
by: TrishJ

Chris~
I lost my wonderful husband on December 3, 2010. I don't feel like I've made much progress the past month. I'm still numb. I made it through the holidays on auto pilot. My days are long and lonely. I'm frightened at the reality of facing this year without my husband.

Everyone says to take it one breath, one step at a time. I can't sleep, don't eat much, my hands shake, I spend most of the day crying. I too asked God Why? I'm told God has a plan and a reason for everything. Nothing makes much sense to me right now.

It's a terrible loss. Our lives will never be the same again. It's almost like learning to walk all over again. We have to be strong and learn to live our lives in a different way. "Hold on your wonderful memories," everyone keeps telling me. The memories are too painful to think of right now. I'm praying for us both to make little baby steps for the next year.

Please know that you're not alone. This web site is very comforting. Come and write your thoughts as often as you need to. There are a lot of caring and wonderful people here who understand.

You are not alone.
by: Mike

Chris,

We all know how it feels and I am sorry for your loss. I lost my wife on Dec. 1st unexpectedly. She died in her sleep and wouldn't wake up the next morning.

There is no easy way off this path we were forced to take and I know how you feel when people say things. Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing I tell them not good. How do they think I'm doing? I'm a basket case.

I am starting a 6 week grief support group tomorrow at a local hospital. I know it won't fix what is wrong but I am hoping to get some comfort from it. I am also seeing a counselor weekly. I don't know if that might be an option for you. I find the loneliness to be the hardest part right now.

I wish you luck on this journey we both face. One day the memories will make you smile instead of cry. I hope mine do.

Mike

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The Loss of my Husband