The loss off my beautiful grandaughter Millie May

by Anne
(Merseyside)

I LOST MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDAUGHTER 4 MONTHS AGO, AGED 5 DAYS OLD. I WENT INTO THE LABOUR WARD WITH MY DAUGHTER AND HER PARTNER AND AFTER 40 HOURS OF WATCHING MY DAUGHTER SUFFER THE MOST AWFUL PAIN, SHE FINALLY GAVE BIRTH TO MILLIE MAY, WEIGHING 7LB 6OZ. SHE HAD A MOP OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BLACK HAIR I HAVE EVER SEEN ON A BABY.

TWO DAYS LATER WE BOUGHT HER HOME TO OUR HOUSE, FILLED WITH SO MUCH PRIDE AND HAPPINESS. I FELT THE LUCKEST GRANDMOTHER ALIVE THAT MY DAUGHTER HAD GIVEN BIRTH TO SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BABY.

SADLY AFTER ONE DAY AT HOME WITH US SHE STARTED TO SHOW SIGNS OF BEING UNWELL AND WAS ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL. i CAN ONLY DESCRIBE THE NEXT 3 DAYS AS A HAZY BLUR. WE ALL HOPED AND PRAYED FOR A MIRACLE BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE.

Sadly, the decsion was made to switch off the life surpport machine. My daughter and her partner held Millie May in their arms as she passed away 45 mins later.

I cannot begin to express how I feel, I just keep asking why. Why did she have to die, why was she born? None of it makes any sense anymore. I can't walk past a pram or baby without feeling so jealous and resentful. These feelings don't feel real. I don't know how to comfort my daughter. I dont know what to say as I don't understand it myself. Will it ever get better for any of us?