The lost of my dad, Juan Garcia
by Caridad Garcia Torres
(New York, New York)
“The lost of my Dad, Juan Garcia “
I lost my dad two months before his birthday. He was born August 24th, and he died June the 24th, 2012. I didn’t realize how much I would miss him. Moreover, I never knew it was possible to miss someone so terribly. Since then, my life has changed a great deal. This morning, while I was still in bed asleep, I can swear, I heard him calling me, "Cary, Cary, and Cary......Cary!" I rapidly woke up and looked around; I am alone in the bedroom. I didn’t see anyone, so I just went back to sleep. I missing him so much that I just feel sometimes that I don’t know why I don’t scream, my pain is big that immense like the sea as immense like the sky. I don’t feel with the energy that I used to feel before when he was alive. I feel pain but I don’t cry everyday just some days I can’t even say when. I went to church the other day and when I walked in began praying, I cried and I don’t know why because I know he is dead but just feel my chest tight that I cant breath like I used to when he was we all of the family. He was fun to be with, he liked jokes and women. He loved to dress up with the combination of a hat like Carlos Gardel from Argentine. The hardest about his dead is that he doesn’t know he died. He asked for his clothes thinking that he was going to be discharged someday. I feel terribly bad just to think that he is under the ground. I believe that I would it had feel better if he was cremated but he is not. It’s hard to keep thinking that I wont see him anymore it feels like a dream or like to be waiting for him in a long journey. I know I have to go on with my life but its difficult to be able to recover who I was since I feel that I wont be able to bring him back to life. I feel sorry for him and at the same time bad for him. If I only knew he was going to leave us so soon, I would it had stay with him when he was still alive hospitalized at Presbyterian hospital. I went to the cemetery a couple of times. The last time I went I brought him a plant, candle and lighted up while I did a prayer for him. I also brought him other little things, but I still can recover his lost.
My energy has decreased since he died. Oh how, I missing my dad. I loved him, never disrespected him, always try to find out how he was but he never found out, the love I feel for him. I love you dad, I love you and I will always remember you. I don’t want to cry and I don’t want to scream, let me leave in peace.