The Love I Miss
by Gary Egge
(Las Vegas, NV)
The Love I Miss
You Don't Know What You've Got (Until You Lose It) Ral Donner 1961
I look at all the changes that have taken place as I have remodeled our home during the last 15 months and it's the things that haven't changed that still remind me of you. The dresser drawer that still is full of your socks, the Korean china cabinet, and all the knickknacks you had collected. Everything that I have accomplished since God took you from me I had always planned on doing while you were still here but was unable to complete them. Now I'm glad that I'm finally getting them done, but I'm sad that you're no longer here to enjoy the finished work. Our life together wasn't easy and we had our share of good times as well as bad times. The love we had for each other allowed us to overcome any differences we had and any struggles that occurred. We came from different cultures and backgrounds. You were Korean and I was American, and we didn't always understand each other or communicate well, but none of that mattered because we loved each other. A lot of the things I took for granted you did to please me and they became routine. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate them or that I expected them; they were the things that showed me that you loved me. It's easy to see all of those things now, but the truth is: you don't know what you've got until you lose it. Sadly I can't thank you now for all the joy that you brought me.
I don't think I ever stopped and really thought about all the sacrifices you made after we were married. You learned how to cook and became very good at it. I remember my parents starving themselves all day long because they knew you were preparing a special meal. And no matter how long we were married you always asked me if I liked the meal you had prepared. I don't remember if I ever complained about the meals you had prepared for me. I almost always came home directly after work because I knew you would have dinner waiting for me. Your son Billy was right when he mentioned at your funeral that the thing people would miss the most about his mom was your cooking. When I brought you here from Korea you were only 22 years old with a 2 year old son and you had to learn English by force. I never thought about how hard that must have been for you; being away from home with no friends or anyone to talk to. I remember many times you complaining, "You never talk to me." Now I'm sad because I can't talk to you.
Our life together lasted for 35 years and I think my father was right when he said you should have been awarded a metal for putting up with me for that long. I was never the easiest or nicest person to get along with but you knew my weakness: I couldn't bare the thought of living without you. Each time we disagreed, you knew your silence would make me say I was sorry. It never mattered if I was right or wrong; what good did it do to be right if it meant hurting you? Neither one of us was perfect, but together we made it work. Maybe that proves the theory that all you really need is love. When you got sick, I became angry at the world and God. But after we received salvation I understood that your illness wasn't a curse, but a blessing. And in all the years that you were sick, it never crossed my mind to abandon you, no matter how tough the circumstances became. During the last month when you were hospitalized, the pastor's wife told me the two of you had a conversation. You told pastor's wife, "He's not really such a bad guy. He has taken care of me and stuck by my side no matter what." I get teary-eyed every time I think about those words because I think it was the nicest thing I ever heard you say about me.
Our life together may not have been perfect but you were the reason I went to work and you were the reason I came home. You were the reason I was happy then and you are the reason I'm sad now. It never occurred to me that I would have to go on living without you. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye. I know you're in heaven, but I don't know it you are allowed to look down upon me. But just in case you are there are a few words I would like to say: "Oh Yong Sun I miss you and I love you. Honey I've always loved you. Until we meet again, goodbye."
Your loving husband, Gary